Clash of Two Universes
by SeekerSky143
Summary: The members of the Straw Hat crew can no longer stand the constant bickering of their resident Swordsman and Cook, Zoro and Sanji. Finally, they decided to do something about it... but will their antics actually work? Or will it merely make things worse? Post-timeskip, nakama-ship sort of...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Sanji ~ MEAT!" It was the usual wake-up call for the cook of the Straw Hat Pirates. Stifling a yawn, he got up to his feet, fishing for a cigarette in his pocket. The moment he found his cigarette, a door slammed open, and from there emerged a hyper-active, rubber man who jumped onto the cook enthusiastically. "When is breakfast going to be ready?" He asked excitedly. Sanji delivered a swift kick to the rubber man's stomach, pushing him away harshly.

"I just woke. Breakfast will be ready soon," He answered, lighting up his cigarette and inhaling deeply.

"I'll tell the rest!" Luffy got up to his feet and hastily ran off to disturb the other crewmates. Sanji sighed.

"That shit-head, waking me up so early when I had to watch over the ship last night," He grumbled under his breath, but still changed into his usual suit anyway. He left for the kitchen, being careful to be quiet when walking past the female bunk room – he would _never_ do anything to disturb the beauty sleep that the two females in the crew deserved.

When he entered his sanctuary – the kitchen – he found a green-haired swordsman slumped in the corner of the room, a few empty bottles of sake strewn precariously around him. The blonde clenched his fist tightly, anger already boiling within him – only that stupid marimo could get him so worked up early in the morning…

"Wake up and get out of my kitchen, you marimo shit-head!" He yelled, kicking the guy hard in the chest. The swordsman jolted awake, his bleary eye scanning the area until it met the cook's. Immediately, the swordsman narrowed his one good eye.

"What, love-cook?" He demanded.

"That's what I should be asking you," The cook took a deep puff on his cigarette, "Get out of my kitchen, you shitty marimo-head." His hands were stuffed casually into his pocket, his posture slightly slouched, making him look laidback and relaxed, but the swordsman knew that deep in Sanji's pockets, his fists were clenched tightly, bracing for a fight.

"You woke me up just for that? There's something wrong with you, you dart-brow," The marimo retorted.

"This is _my_ kitchen, _my_ personal space. _You_ get out of it, and bring your shitty bottles along with you." Zoro enjoyed getting a rise out of Sanji, and despite clearly knowing that, Sanji couldn't help but get pissed off. The shitty swordsman was dirtying the sacred ground where he did his cooking.

Zoro remained expressionless. After Fishman Island, there was nothing to do on the ship, so all he could do was to annoy Sanji to no end. "_Make_ me," Zoro taunted, an evil smirk creeping up his lips. His hand held the hilt of his sword, challenging the cook. Sanji inhaled his cigarette deeply.

"Anytime," Sanji answered after a silence. His temper was rising, and he had to fight to control it. He took a deep breath, "But not in my kitchen. _Get out_!" He hissed, kicking Zoro out of his slouched position. "_Now_," He warned.

"Huh, never knew you were such a coward," Zoro sighed, loosening his grip on his katana, "Guess you only dare to face me in an open area where you have the advantage to jump and do all that fancy stunts of yours, huh? You don't have enough guts to fight me in an enclosed area." Zoro turned to leave the kitchen.

"The kitchen's my sanctuary. I'm not letting _anything_ come close to it, even if it means having to tolerate you and your stupid taunts." Sanji replied, shockingly managing to contain his anger. Zoro smirked again.

"See ya, coward-cook." He slammed the kitchen door shut behind him. Sanji sighed deeply, sinking into a seat and taking another puff of his cigarette. That damn marimo was _so close_ to making Sanji lose himself completely – if Sanji ever allowed a fight to break out in the kitchen…

He shook his head. No, that wouldn't happen. He may let himself get fired up because of the shitty swordsman, but he wouldn't let a single thing happen to his kitchen. _That_ was his pride.

...

"Let's go on an adventure! Nami, have you seen any islands yet?" Luffy complained, half his body hanging over the side of the ship. Nami sighed.

"Luffy, I already told you, we aren't even in the climate of any island, so we aren't close to an island yet. Now shut up and let me chart my maps in peace." Nami answered, exasperated with her captain. Robin laughed softly.

"Mr. Captain's rather impatient, isn't he?" Robin commented, flipping a page of her book. Nami nodded her head.

"Well, I guess that's how we've always got dragged into crazy situations…" Nami acknowledged. Somewhere near her, Usopp was busy detailing tales of his adventures during the two-year absence.

"You won't believe it! A tree, over five times my height, threatened to gobble me up! But of course, I, Captain Usopp, won't be eaten so easily by a carnivorous tree!"

"Really?" Chopper's eyes sparkled in excitement, "How did you defeat it? How did you defeat a monster tree?"

"Ah, this story… is not for the faint-hearted," Usopp nodded his head gravely, "Only the strong-willed will be able to withstand the truth."

"Tell me, Usopp! I'm strong-willed! I'm brave!" Chopper begged, the longing in his eyes so clear and so strong that Usopp gave in easily.

"I guess you are strong-willed – I mean, if you're one of Captain Usopp's nakama, you have to be strong-willed!" Usopp acknowledged. Chopper blushed.

"I don't like it if you praise me, you asshole!" He proclaimed, his cheeks still bright red and his eyes twinkling with happiness. Usopp laughed. Chopper just couldn't get any cuter.

The door to the kitchen opened. Immediately, almost as though he had predicted it, Luffy stretched his arms to the door, and then propelled himself forward. "Sanji, is lunch ready? Is there meat? Is there lots of – what, it's only Zoro," Luffy pouted, walking away from the kitchen door.

Zoro gave a grunt, and walked to his usual spot at the end of Thousand Sunny. He placed his katanas on the ground beside him, and rested his arms behind his head. Now Luffy even preferred the stupid nosebleed-cook to him, he thought to himself. Well, of course, the only use the cook had on the ship was to… well, to cook, of course. Otherwise, there was nothing about him worth keeping.

"Food's ready!" Sanji announced, "Luffy, don't go gobbling everything –" Zoro heard a loud 'thud', and then the sound of his captain whining. Obviously the love-cook had kicked the impatient and overzealous Luffy… not for the first time.

"Nami-swan! Robin-chwan! I've placed your plates in this special corner, where our shitty captain's rubbery fingers will not be able to get it! Please, enjoy your meal," He heard the cook say in that disgustingly sweet voice of his. "Oi, shitty marimo, come down to have lunch." He saw the blonde's head poking out of the kitchen, addressing him.

"What, I thought you said I wasn't allowed inside." Zoro retorted.

"You are not allowed inside when I'm cooking. If you want to eat, come in." Sanji returned back to the kitchen, not bothering to check if Zoro was coming. Zoro sighed, picking up his katanas and returning to the kitchen.

How annoying, he thought, to have to return to the kitchen five minutes after being kicked out of it…

Suddenly, a thought hit him. It was so sudden that he didn't know what to make of it at first. The stupid love-cook made breakfast in a mere span of _five minutes_? What was he, crazy? Upon entering the kitchen, Zoro's eyes narrowed. The beer bottles he had left scattered around haphazardly was gone, and on the table was the usual lavish spread they usually had for their breakfast.

Zoro hated to admit it, but it was impressive – he never thought such a good meal could be prepared in just _five minutes_.

"Super ~ Good morning to y'all," Franky strode into the kitchen, his hair now the usual spiked up one he had two years ago. "Wow, how I've missed your cooking, Sanji! I'll be enjoying myself!" Franky took his seat. Behind him, Brook came in.

"Yohohoho, what a pleasant surprise! I can finally treat my stomach to Sanji's amazing cooking again!" Then Brook paused, "But of course, I have no stomach! Skull joke!" He began laughing. Luffy joined in, not even sure what he was laughing for.

"Yes, yes, now sit down and eat before Luffy takes everything away." Sanji said, pushing Brook onto a seat.

"Of course, Sanji, even without a stomach, I would still very much like to eat your food!" Brook answered. Sanji sighed, moving to his usual corner and watching his nakama eat. Now and then he'd kick a stray hand venturing too far towards someone else's food, or he'd simply top up the food in order to fill his captain's endless appetite. Zoro frowned at Sanji.

"What, marimo? Food too good for you to appreciate..?" Sanji glared back at Zoro. Zoro shrugged, and resumed eating his food. Sanji looked curious, but he decided to ignore the swordsman.

"Sanji! I'm not full! Give me more meat!" Luffy pleaded. The blonde gave his captain a sharp kick.

"No, if you eat until you're full we'd be out of food supplies. Now get out of my kitchen so I can wash up." Before finishing the sentence, Sanji had already kicked his captain out of the kitchen. Luffy, recognizing defeat when he saw it, stopped trying to pester Sanji, and left dejectedly.

"Thanks, Sanji, the food was super delicious!" Franky said, and Sanji merely gave a nod, gesturing for him to quickly leave the kitchen. All that was left now was Zoro, and the cook glowered at the swordsman.

"How many times do you want to be chased out? Do you _like_ being chased out?" The blonde demanded. Zoro shrugged.

"You're not cooking now, so isn't it okay for me to stay here?" Zoro answered monotonously. Sanji shot the swordsman a dirty look – technically, what he said _wasn't_ wrong… but the fact that the shitty swordsman had used his own words against him pissed him off… _a lot_. He took a couple of deep breaths.

"Fine, stay here all you like, but stay clear of the beer." Sanji obliged unwillingly. Zoro took his seat at the corner of the table, while Sanji went about cleaning the dishes.

This went on for about ten minutes when Zoro finally broke the silence. "You cook breakfast in five minutes?" He asked. He didn't know why, but that question had been ebbing away at his thoughts – it was all he could think of.

"Well, yeah, if not our stupid captain would keep trying to steal food and all…" The cook replied, now sorting out the ingredients he had in the refrigerator.

"You really took only five minutes?" The swordsman confirmed.

"Yes, how many times must I repeat, you shitty swordsman." The blonde slammed the refrigerator door shut. "What, was the food not to your liking? Or did you expect me to only finish cooking in an hour?"

Zoro didn't reply; he merely looked contemplative. It was impressive that the stupid love-cook had actually managed to finish making such a delicious breakfast in merely five minutes – but of course he'd never admit that.

"Oi, are you deaf or what, marimo?" Sanji snapped, "Oh, then again, I guess you only have the brain capacity of a peanut, so you probably don't understand anything I just said." He shrugged, fishing his pocket for a cigarette when…

Immediately, Sanji's leg shot up, countering the attack Zoro had made. Sanji finally found his cigarette, and placed it casually in his mouth when another blade swiped at him. Hastily, he ducked down, the tips of his hair barely grazing the edge of the sharp blade.

"Not in the kitchen, dammit," Sanji yelled, opening the kitchen door and running out of the kitchen. Zoro followed suit. Outside, on the deck of the Thousand Sunny, a full fight between Zoro and Sanji had broken out.

Nami sighed. "We've got to do something about the two of… wait a second." Her eyes twinkled mischievously, a small smirk forming on her lips.

"I see that you have got another trick up your sleeve, Nami-san." Robin said. Nami stuck her tongue out at her.

"Help me call the rest of the guys here, alright? Make sure that Sanji-kun and Zoro don't notice anything."

Robin nodded her head, her eyes closed, her arms already forming the usual gesture she did when using her Devil Fruit ability.

After a while, the rest of the crewmembers, namely Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, Franky and Brook, arrived, surrounding the tangerine trees that Nami had brought with her from homeland.

"Ah, Sanji and Zoro are fighting again! I thought we were tired enough from all the havoc we had in Fishman Island," Usopp stated, watching the two men fight tirelessly on the deck.

"If any of their wounds open up…" Chopper shook his head sadly. Brook laughed his usual 'yohohoho' laugh, while Franky patted Chopper and Usopp on the shoulders.

"Robin! Why'd you call us for? Shall I call Zoro and Sanji too? Z –" Just as Luffy was about to shout, a hand clasped over his mouth tightly. Luffy struggled against Robin's firm grip, and Nami hit Luffy hard on the head.

"Don't call them!" Nami hissed at him, and Robin removed her clasp she had against his mouth.

"Why not..?" Luffy asked dejectedly.

"Shut up, I'm going to start explaining now," Nami snapped at Luffy, and this effectively gained the attention of all the other crewmates. "Alright, you know, it's already been two years…" She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, "Aren't you guys tired of watching the two of them fight?" She indicated Sanji and Zoro, who were so engrossed in their fight that they didn't realize that something was amiss.

"Well, now that you say that… yeah, I thought the tension between them would've… gone off by now." Usopp answered, with Chopper nodding in agreement beside him.

"Ah, Nami-sis, it'd feel super weird without them fighting all the time. It's one of the things that made me get used to this pirate crew." Franky commented. Brook nodded his head in approval.

"Urgh, but don't you just wish for some peace and quiet sometimes? Usopp, Franky, Chopper, you know how distracting it gets when you're trying to focus on your job at hand and just some idiot people start fighting on the deck of the ship!" Nami said, exasperated. "It wouldn't do any harm for them to just get along a _little_ better, would it?"

"I suppose you're right," Usopp mumbled under his breath.

"Of course I am!" Nami answered. "So let me propose a suggestion…" She grinned, "Let's have a competition!"

"Competition..? That's like having an adventure, right? Okay, we're playing!" Luffy decided suddenly.

"No, Luffy, look at Nami's expression – she's definitely up to no good!" Usopp hissed at Luffy, and Luffy merely looked baffled.

"If it's an adventure we'll take it! We're pirates, aren't we?" Luffy tilted his head at Usopp.

"Basically, we'll compete to see who will be the successful in getting the two of them to get along." Upon saying this sentence, the crewmates all gasped in shock.

"It's impossible!" Usopp said, followed by "Yes, yes, yes!" from Chopper. "Yohohoho, I daresay that'll be a miracle indeed, one that'll beat my record of being a living skeleton!" Brook proclaimed, with Franky and Luffy laughing at his statement. Beside Nami, Robin was chuckling to herself at the violent responses the crew had.

"Precisely; and… this goes without saying, a competition needs to have a winner and a reward, isn't it?" Nami's mischievous grin came back. "The winner… gets to ask any of the crewmembers to do something for him or her, and that crewmember cannot reject!"

"I guess… I really want to see Franky at work but he never lets me…" Usopp said to himself thoughtfully.

"It'll be interesting, I guess…" Chopper said hesitantly. He was still reluctant to try to get the two people to try to become friends – no matter what, he found it close to impossible.

"I'm in," Robin suddenly stated. When the rest of the nakama stared at her in shock, she merely shrugged. "It seems fun."

"Yosh!" Luffy shouted, his eyes determined. "I'll get Sanji to make for me the biggest meat buffet the world has ever seen! Nami, we're in!"

"W-Wait, Luffy, you really playing along..?" Usopp stuttered. "I mean, with Nami… you never know what to trust…"

"Usopp, it's an adventure! We can't miss an adventure! Besides, I'll win, and I'll definitely get Sanji to make the biggest buffet for me!" Luffy's eyes were bright with anticipation. Usopp shook his head.

"It's no use; I can't get through to him. Franky, Brook…" When he turned around, he saw Franky and Brook already discussing what antics to use to force the two enemies to become friends. "You! You're in?"

"What, it seems fun!" Franky said, at the same time that Brook answered, "I wonder if Nami and Robin will let me see their panties…"

"Alright, it's settled then!" Nami punched her fist onto the table, "Two tries per person, no cheating because Robin will be watching over the competition – and most importantly… we're here to win! Got it! Competition starts now!"

"Aye!"

A/N: This is my first story, so I will appreciate any sort of reviews or comments to improve on it! ((: I shall try my best to finish this story, since I've got it pretty much planned out.. and I hope y'all will support me in my endeavor! ^^


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"You seem pretty confident of yourself, Nami," Robin commented. "You expect to win, don't you, by currying Cook-san's favour?"

"That's my Robin – you know my plans already!" Nami grinned at Robin. "And I'm going to win and get back all the gold that I was forced to split up with the rest of the crewmates!"

"I see… but Nami, you're forgetting that I'm a competitor, too." Robin noted. Nami laughed.

"Ah, Robin, you won't betray me – would you?"

"I most probably won't. But if I'm a participant, I'm in it to win, too, so please do not let your guard down around me." Robin answered smoothly, fishing out a book from her shelf. "Let the competition begin, shall we?" She smiled.

"I thought I saw everyone crowding around here a while ago, but I didn't check because nobody called me…" Sanji told Brook. Brook shrugged.

"Yohohoho, Sanji-san, you must be seeing things! Why would we meet one another without telling you?" Brook answered. Sanji frowned, a puzzle expression etched on his face.

"I suppose you're right…" He said, shrugging. "Ah, have you seen Nami-san and Robin-chan? I've specially prepared this '_cherry clafoutes'_, paired with cups of steaming hot sweet tea for them!" He grinned, picking up the heavy tray with his right hand.

"I could've seen them in their rooms, but then again, I have no eyes to see! Yohohoho! Skull joke!" Brook answered. Sanji nodded his head, already half-way out the door as he gave Brook a hurried 'thanks'.

He knocked the door to the women's room with his free hand. "Nami-swan, Robin-chwan, I've prepared dessert for you!"

Nami opened the door, grinning widely at Sanji. "Thanks, Sanji-kun, but Robin isn't here right now. Can you leave the dessert on the table?" She asked, but there was no need to ask. Sanji would do whatever Nami asked of him, anyway.

"Yes, Nami-swan! In the name of love, I shall place the tray where you want it to be! Ah, Nami-swan, your beauty takes my very breath away, I don't know how –"

"Thank you, Sanji-kun," Nami hastily interrupted his speech. "Sanji-kun, can you do me a favour?" She asked, batting her eyelashes at him. Sanji hastily placed the tray down, and gave Nami a deep bow.

"Yes, Nami-swan! Anything for you, my love!" He agreed easily.

"But this is quite a… tough assignment." Nami said, pouting at Sanji. "I really hope you can help me out. You will do your best, won't you?" She stepped closer to Sanji, biting her lower lip as a form of nervousness.

"Yes, anything for you! I will do my best, no matter what it is!" Sanji spun on his feet, and then went on his knees, holding Nami's hand. "So, what it is that you wish me to do, my princess?" He asked, his head tilted downwards towards her hand, his lips almost kissing it.

"You know how much I want to chart maps, don't you?" She let out a deep sigh, "But with the ruckus the crew is making all the time, I can't chart my maps in peace." She pulled her hand away from Sanji's light hold on it, and rubbed the side of her forehead. "It gives me a headache, and no matter what I say nobody would listen to me!"

"Ah, I will do my best to make sure –" Before Sanji could finish his sentence, Nami cut in again.

"But the worst disruption I get is from you and Zoro!" She stared down at Sanji, who froze in shock.

"I'm so sorry, Nami-swan! I never meant to disturb you! I will –" Yet again, Nami interrupted him.

"I want you to get along with Zoro." She stated firmly, her hands placed on her hips.

"W-With that stupid marimo..? But Nami! It isn't my fault; it's the stupid swordsman's fault for always trying to pick a fight with me!" Sanji sputtered.

"I don't care! You will get along with him! You said you'd do whatever I asked of you, didn't you?" Nami's expression changed from fierce and demanding to pleading and hopeful in an instant. "You won't let me down, will you, my dear Sanji-kun?" She brushed her fingers through his blonde hair lightly.

"I won't let you down, Nami-swan!" Sanji jumped up to his feet. "I'll definitely get along with the marimo!"

"I appreciate it, Sanji-kun," Nami batted her eyelashes again. "Now, go away, I need to chart my maps in peace." She snapped, turning away from him and walking to his table. Sanji hastily nodded his head and left the room.

"Urgh, what a demand," Sanji ran his fingers through his hair roughly, "But nothing's too great for Nami-swan!" He took out a cigarette and placed it between his lips, "This is going to be challenging though, with that stupid marimo…"

"Eh?" To the cook's surprise, the swordsman was sleeping right beside his feet. Stirring awake, the swordsman sat up, glaring at the blonde through heavy-lidded eyes. "What did you say?"

"Nothing," Sanji answered, not even looking in Zoro's direction, "A stupid marimo like you probably can't comprehend my words—" Sanji stopped his train of insults abruptly, suddenly recalling what he promised Nami a few minutes ago. "Uh, nothing," He ran his fingers through his hair exasperatedly once again. This was going to be difficult. "Um, you need anything? A drink..? Snacks..? I can prepare something for you."

Upon hearing the cook spout those words, which he only said towards the girls in the crew, Zoro jumped up to his feet. He narrowed his one good eye at Sanji suspiciously. "What are you trying to do?" He demanded.

"I'm being cordial." Sanji answered, looking out at the vast sea. "So?"

The swordsman did not reply; he merely stared at Sanji, trying to figure out what was going on. "Love-cook, what are you doing?" He finally asked once again. The blonde continued to stare out at the sea, seeming to be completely absorbed in the crashing of the waves against the hull of the ship. A flock of seagulls cut across the rich blue sky, swooping down low to the sea, their breast feathers grazing the clear aquamarine waters. Sanji sighed, taking out a lighter to light his cigarette.

Zoro's hand swiped the lighter off the cook's fingers. "Answer me." He said. "This is not like you." The blonde continued to look laidback and calm, but deep inside he was writhing with fury. How dare the stupid swordsman take away his lighter! But he couldn't fight Zoro – he _wouldn't_. He had promised Nami.

"I just thought it'd be nice trying to get along with you," Sanji answered in a bored drawl. "Must I spell things out so clearly for you?"

"Like hell you're saying the truth," Zoro stretched his arm out to the sea, Sanji's lighter held loose in his fingers. "You want it back?" He asked.

The cook didn't reply.

"You get it back." Zoro was about to let go of the lighter when a kick intercepted his action. He ducked hastily, and the lighter landed on the deck of the ship with a soft 'thud'.

And the fighting broke out again.

...

Robin had sprouted 'eyes' all over the ship, so that she could witness the whole competition. Now, having returned back to the room, she chuckled to herself. "Nami, your plan doesn't seem to have worked."

"What?" Nami got up her bed hastily. "That can't be! Sanji-kun promised me!"

"Well, I see that Cook-san and Swordsman-san have too huge a rivalry. Though in Cook-san's defence, he did try to put up with Swordsman-san's taunts until the very end." Robin answered. Nami groaned, stuffing her face into her pillow.

"Crap, I only have one more chance – what can I do?" She whined. "Robin, help me!"

"I cannot, Nami." Robin shrugged, "I am your competitor."

Nami cursed.

Meanwhile, at the deck, Sanji had abruptly stopped in the middle of fighting. Zoro glared at Sanji. "Spit it out."

"Nami-swan requested for me to get along with you! Shit, I can't believe I failed her," Sanji shook his head. "Couldn't you stupid marimo have tried to get along with me too?" Sanji yelled. Zoro looked slightly surprised at the accusation.

"Me? I didn't know anything! And why should I care about what the witch wants anyway?" Zoro retorted.

And this comment brought about yet another series of angry kicks from the enraged cook.

...

thanks to all those who have been reading ((: please post more review! ^^


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Meat! I need more meat!" Luffy complained at the top of his lungs, but nobody in the crew bothered to entertain to his requests. "Sanji – Sanji! I want meat!" He yelled loudly, but the cook refused to reply him. Breakfast was over only an hour ago, anyway. Luffy could wait until lunchtime.

"So, yesterday Nami failed, didn't she?" Usopp pondered aloud. Chopper nodded his head. "Ah, I thought she might win, especially since she had Sanji on her side…"

"That just goes to show how difficult this task is," Chopper stated seriously. "We've to come up with some sort of brilliant plan!"

"I don't know – I think we should watch how the rest fare, first, then afterwards we can come up with a brilliant plan!" Usopp grinned, "After all, Captain Usopp's plans never fail!"

"Really..?" Chopper squealed in delight, "Yes! We shall win! And then I'll get Franky to make some awesome weapons for me!"

"Yeah, and I wanna visit Franky's workshop!" Usopp agreed, and from the corner of his eyes he caught sight of Sanji walking out of the kitchen. He nudged Chopper hard, "Hey, there's Sanji! I wonder if someone's going to try something on him… Chopper, let's hide! Quick!" Usopp hissed, dragging the bewildered Chopper alongside him.

Meanwhile, Sanji was staring out at the sea once again, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He sighed, stubbing the rest of his cigarette. There was nobody else on deck today – except maybe for Luffy, who hadn't realized he was here – and it was one of the rare times where there was peace on the Thousand Sunny. He watched as the waves overlapped one another, as though they were fighting, as they thrashed about in the sea violently, causing the ship to rock unsteadily. The tide soon steadied; the sea stretched out into the horizon, its deep aquamarine waters lapping at the bright mid-day sun, trying to wash out its flares. It was pointless, though. The sun continued to shine, relentlessly sending out glares of hot rays towards the vast sea. The sea quietened, as though subdued by the strong merciless bully that was the afternoon star – calm before the storm, the blonde thought in his head. Soon, a cloud rose in the sky, making its move towards the bright sun, partially obscuring the vividness of the sun. The sea seemed glad; the tide raised once more, the waves once again battling; each trying to outdo one another, the waves crashed against their competitor violently. The tide grew fiercer, ruthless in its attempt to overthrow whatever that rested upon it. The sea current increased in its speed, twirling madly in the sea, as more clouds moved towards the sun. Soon, an opaque layer of white clouds covered the sun, casting the entire sea in a dark blackness that was the shadow of the sun. The waves thrashed about furiously like oil sputtering in a hot fry-pan, pushing and pulling at the Thousand Sunny, jolting awake the members of the crew. A gust of wind brushed past the cook, leaving in its wake a screaming Nami.

"Wake up, everyone! A storm is coming! A huge one! Quick, Sanji-kun, Zoro, unfurl the sails! Franky, Chopper, go and hold the wheel steady! Everyone, quick! It's coming!" Nami shrieked over the wailing of the wind. Upon hearing the instructions issued by his beloved Nami-swan, Sanji got into action. Hastily, he jumped on top of a railing, hastily unfurling one side of the sail. On the other end, the swordsman was pulling at the sail with all his might, unfurling it as quickly as he possible could.

"Faster, Franky, Chopper, turn the wheel northeast! Robin, hold everything down on the ship! Usopp… help Franky and Chopper! This is going to be a difficult storm!" Nami shouted. The crewmembers, of course, listened to Nami's instructions dutifully. Franky and Chopper were pulling hard against the steering wheel, trying to force it to go in the other direction. Usopp ran in, using his newly-gained muscles to force the steering wheel to do their bidding. On the deck, the cook and the swordsman were finally able to unfurl their sails. Luffy was busy pulling up the anchor of the ship, but with the tide rising and the waves splashing water all over Luffy, Luffy was left without strength.

Zoro and Sanji ran to give Luffy a helping hand, pulling up the anchor for their weakened captain. "Now, go south! South, and quick!" Nami yelled once again. The three only paused for a second to wipe the sweat off their brows, and hastily got back to work. Luffy, now with nothing to do, ran in to lend them a helping hand. The three-turned-four used all their might to turn the steering wheel against the force of the rising tide, and finally managed to bring the ship southwards.

"Good! Now keep the wheel facing south; we'll be out of the storm soon!" Nami announced. After fifteen minutes, Sunny Go was finally out of the stormy seas, and was now riding along peacefully on the tides of calmer waters – but of course, the calm waters wouldn't last, especially in an unpredictable climate such as the Grand Line. But for now, all the crewmembers were glad to have their peace and quiet back once again.

"Hey! I just thought of a brilliant idea!" Usopp grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief. Chopper squealed happily.

"You have? It'll work? We'll win?" Chopper asked, doing a little dance out of joy. Usopp nodded his head frantically.

"Yeah, I'm sure it'll work! I mean, how can Captain Usopp's plan every fail, right?" He gave Chopper his winning grin. "It'll work for sure! I mean, has anyone ever seen Sanji _intoxicated_ before?"

"Sanji… Usopp! Don't tell me you want to spike his drink!" Chopper yelled, and Usopp hastily placed his hand over Chopper's mouth.

"Shush, not so loud! Of course I'm not spiking his drink – as if a cook can get spiked that easily!" Usopp clarified frantically, and Chopper calmed down.

"Phew, I thought you wanted to use that overly-effective sleeping drug on them," Chopper shook his head. "I'd never let you use it!"

"An _overly_-effective sleeping drug..?" Usopp asked, his eyebrows furrowed. Chopper nodded his head.

"Yeah, I use it sometimes where Zoro or Luffy refuses to rest. Even in a small dosage, it _forces_ them into unconsciousness, so even if they're completely awake they'll be forced into a deep sleep. The downside is that they'd probably feel oppressed in this sleep; even though they're completely awake, they're forced asleep… so I think you know how it feels." Chopper explained. Usopp nodded his head in understanding.

"But it's okay in small dosages sometimes, right?" Usopp clarified. Chopper nodded.

"But we're not using it on them!" Chopper said firmly, giving Usopp that glare that he always used when he was in Doctor-Chopper mode. "Okay, so what's your idea?" Chopper asked enthusiastically.

"Ah, of course, we'd have to find a safer place to discuss it…" Usopp winked at Chopper, who jumped up and down zealously as they walked back to their room.

Robin, who had taken to watching and listening the activities of the whole crew, smiled mysteriously. "The overly-effective sleeping drug may be just what I need," Robin chuckled to herself.

...

"Sanji, I found this mysterious drink somewhere lying on the ship!" Luffy reported to Sanji enthusiastically, as what Usopp instructed him to do. Of course, Luffy had no idea that Usopp was using his child-like innocence to do his bidding, and really thought that the drink was important to Sanji. Therefore, Luffy concluded in his mind, if the drink was important to Sanji, and if Luffy gave it back to him, Sanji would reward Luffy with plenty of meat! It was a simple equation.

"Mysterious?" Sanji frowned, staring at the drink.

"Yeah, think I saw Zoro drinking some of it!" Luffy added, just as Usopp had told him to.

"The shitty marimo drank this..?" Sanji asked. Luffy nodded his head again. "Does he even know what this is?" Sanji sniffed at the drink, and then held it away from his nose quickly. "Urgh, what is this shitty smell, I can't even pinpoint… okay, okay, thanks Luffy. I need to find that shitty swordsman."

"Sanji… I helped you find it!" Luffy whined, "Usopp said I'd get meat!" The boy in the straw hat pleaded, and the cook frowned again.

"Usopp..? Nah, you've just had dinner. You can wait till tomorrow morning." Sanji answered, and Luffy pouted.

"Please..? Sanji..? I didn't drink a sip of this mysterious drink, even though I wanted to!" Luffy asked again.

"Urgh," Sanji ruffled his hair, "Okay, fine, there are some cookies in the oven. When, and _only_ when, you hear the oven beep, you take the cookies, you got me? If you don't listen then you're not getting meat tomorrow." Sanji relented. The captain burst into a huge grin and ran towards the kitchen immediately. The cook sighed, holding the mysterious drink in his right hand. He had to ask the stupid marimo if he knew what it was, and he didn't like the thought of it.

Chopper grinned as he watched Sanji walk to where Zoro was. "I mixed it so much that even I can barely pinpoint the scents, much less Sanji!" Chopper told Usopp with a triumphant grin. Usopp patted him on the back.

"Good, now let's just see whether our plan works! Usually, when drunk, people tend to act different from their real selves. Since Zoro never gets drunk, we can only make Sanji intoxicated!" Usopp flashed Chopper a beam, "We're going to win!"

"Yes, we are going to win!" Chopper agreed.

"Hey, you shitty marimo," Sanji said to the swordsman, who was slouched on the ground, taking a huge swig of that mysterious drink. "What's this?"

"Huh?" The swordsman glared up at the cook. "You need _me_ to tell you, you nosebleed-_cook_?" Sanji clenched his fist tightly.

"Well, yeah, because only a brainless marimo like you would drink anything he sees even if it smells completely suspicious," The blonde retorted, even though it was technically untrue. Luffy would've drunk it in an instant, too, if he wasn't motivated by the thought of Sanji rewarding him with meat.

"Why not you give it a try, you coward-cook," The marimo taunted, as Usopp and Chopper wanted. "If you dare, I mean. I forgot you were a coward." The swordsman grinned at Sanji.

"Fine!" Of course, the blonde cook was never one to be able to take taunts. He grabbed the bottle by its neck and drank a big sip of it. Immediately after, though, he stuck out his tongue in disgust. "What the hell is this shit?" He scrunched up his nose, "It tastes like all sorts of alcohols mixed together in no careful proportions whatsoever."

"I guess you've found your answer," The swordsman said, "It's _alcohol_."

"Well, I knew that from the start! I just wanted to know what alcohol it was," Sanji answered back to the snide remark from reflex, even though he was still trying to figure out what was used in this concoction. "I think there's a bit of whiskey, maybe…"

"Why not take a second gulp to find out?" Zoro asked, "Unless you're scared you'll get _drunk_." That one statement of his effectively caused Sanji to take another deep gulp of the mysterious drink, refusing to lose to Zoro's taunts.

"Urgh, it tastes worse this time around," Sanji commenting, his eyes narrowed in disgust at the horror that was the 100% alcohol drink.

"Hmm, I'm surprised you're not drunk yet," The swordsman commented as Sanji slumped down next to him. "You've drunk half the bottle."

"Why would I get drunk so easily?" Sanji answered back, but it _was_, after all, a 100% alcohol drink. Any _normal_ person would have gotten drunk – but of course, the two of them weren't in the least bit normal.

"Sanji isn't getting drunk!" Chopper said anxiously. "What shall we do?" Usopp frowned. Just at that very instant, the blonde cooked turned to their direction, staring at the long nose hiding behind a barrel. His eyebrows creased slightly, but he didn't seem to bother checking things out. Meanwhile, tucked behind the barrel, Usopp felt a chill run down his spine.

"Chopper, I think it's time to make our great escape!" Usopp suddenly said, "I don't know why but I got a bad feeling about this; If Sanji realizes that it was my ploy… and if he _isn't_ drunk… I don't even want to think about it! Let's go, Chopper!" Usopp said, already running away, with Chopper tugging along. Back in the female room, Robin was smiling to herself once again. Chopper and Usopp's plan _could_ work, actually, but they didn't wait to see it happen.

After downing the entire bottle of mysterious drink, Sanji's thoughts were starting to get hazy. "Eh, marimo-head," He said, his speech slightly slurred, turning to look at the swordsman. From drinking three bottles of the mysterious drink, even Zoro was starting to get tipsy, and he turned back around to face Sanji.

"What, cook?" He demanded.

"How much have we drunk?" The blonde asked, "I see that there are two bottles left, but how many were there originally?"

"Ah, I don't know, I didn't take note," The marimo answered, and left it as that. A comfortable silence fell between the two of them, and Sanji turned back around to look at the calm waters once again. Zoro watched him curiously. "Why do you like looking at the sea so much?" He asked. "I mean, we see it every day. Isn't the thrill of watching the sea gone by now?"

"A marimo-head like you wouldn't get it," Sanji said. "Turn, look, face the sea," He demanded. When the swordsman didn't listen, Sanji grabbed Zoro by the shoulders, forcefully steering him so that he faced the sea.

"What?" Zoro growled, but there was no threat in his voice, only curiosity.

"Look at it. What do you see?" Sanji asked. Zoro frowned.

"Is this a trick question?" The swordsman regarded the cook with a slightly wary look. Sanji shook his head, and then turned the swordsman's head so that he was facing the sea again.

"Tell me what you see," Sanji demanded. Zoro shrugged, considering the sea for a moment.

"I see water. I see the waves, the tides, some fishes swimming just beneath the surface of the water. What else is there to see?" Zoro asked. Sanji laughed.

"Well, you observed more than what I thought you would," The cook smiled, "Okay, now close your eyes."

"For..?" Zoro just didn't want to comply easily with the cook's requests.

"Just close it already. Look, I'm closing my eyes too," Slowly, deliberately, Sanji allowed his eyelids to flutter shut, and Zoro imitated him. "Now tell me, what do you hear?" Sanji asked.

Zoro took in his surroundings, listening close and hard to the crashing of the waves; the squalling of a seagull from afar; the light breeze of the midnight sky; the even, rhythmic breathing of the cook sitting next to him… "I hear everything."

"Be specific, what _exactly_ do you hear?" Sanji prompted.

"I hear the sounds of the waves on the sea, the birds, the wind, and your breathing," Zoro answered robotically. Sanji laughed again.

"That was better than expected, too; okay, open your eyes now," Sanji said, and Zoro opened his eyes to find the cook smiling before him. "It's too… insubstantial, what you hear," Sanji told him, "I don't mean it as an insult; you're observant. It's just… you don't look beyond what you hear. You don't see beyond what your eyes show you. It's too one-sided."

"Then what do you see, and what do you hear?" Zoro questioned. He had always been curious of the cook's obsessive interest with the sea – it was nothing like what he had ever seen, the way the cook seemed to be one with the ocean, the little smile the blonde always had while watching the sea, as though they shared a secret… he wanted to know _why_.

"I see…" The blue eyes looked away from him, and instead locked in onto the sea, "I see the waves, the breaths the sea takes as it brings us along to another place. I see life; the marine creatures that live beneath the sea, their home, how they move along with the waves as though it comes naturally to them, how we disrupt their activities as we sail along a tide, even now." Sanji described. Zoro closed his eyes again, picturing the scene in his head – it was difficult, of course, but he managed to understand what the cook was describing. "And I hear," Even without looking, Zoro knew the cook was smiling. "I hear the waves, the tide, the current, the sea _speaking_ to us. Don't you hear it?"

"The sea… _speaking_..?" Zoro repeated.

"Mm," Sanji nodded his head. "The sea tells of a story, of adventures of other ships aboard their waves. It forewarns us of the incoming of danger; it shows us happiness and joy when all is calm on its waters. When the sunlight is reflected, and sparkles on its surface, the sea gives a resounding laugh. Don't you hear it? Listen closely."

Zoro frowned. He couldn't really hear what Sanji had narrated to him, but he sort of _understood_ it. The fact that the waves became violent before the incoming of storm was what Sanji meant by the forewarning; when the tide is smooth and calm, it was what the cook meant by the sea showing them happiness. He couldn't _hear_ the stories the sea brings along with it, but he _understood_ it. That was similar enough, wasn't it? "I get what you mean, but I can't hear it."

"It's okay," Sanji said good-naturedly. Zoro opened his eyes, to see the cook resting his head against the side of the ship. "It doesn't matter. Nobody hears it anyway." The swordsman didn't know what to reply to that. "What about you?" Sanji asked.

"Huh?"

"You have an obsession with training, and your swords, don't you?" The cook elaborated. The swordsman sighed.

"I need to get stronger to become the greatest swordsman in the world. I made a promise to my childhood friend." Zoro answered stoically. "Training is just a part and parcel of fulfilling my promise, and reaching my final destination."

"Reaching your dream, you mean," Sanji corrected.

"Yeah, I need to do this."

"But if you don't _need_ to do this," Sanji asked, "Let's say, you've already reached your goal. What will the point be for this relentless training to reach the top?"

"I don't know," The marimo shrugged. "I like the feeling of being stronger, of being able to protect the ones I care about. I want to get stronger, so that nobody close to me will get hurt again. I train towards that very goal; my dream isn't the only reason. If I want to keep the people I care for safe, I need to become stronger, I need to be able to protect them, and so I train." The swordsman took another gulp of the mysterious drink, "Don't you feel the same… hopelessness, despair, when you can't help?" He asked, his dark eyes boring into the cook's bright blue ones.

Sanji knew that the both of them were thinking of the same thing. The incident at Thriller Bark, where they nearly lost everything and everyone they cared for, and Sabaody Archipelago, where the Straw Hats nearly met their demise at the hands of one of the Shichibukai, if that Shichibukai hadn't pitied them.

"Yeah, I get that too," The blonde agreed. "I… don't like the feeling of being useless."

A silence settled between the two of them, and none of them bothered to break it, both of them too consumed in their thoughts to start a conversation. Soon, the cook began drifting off to sleep, his mind so overcome with fatigue and alcohol that he allowed it to loll onto Zoro's broad shoulders. Uncharacteristically of the swordsman, he managed to stay awake for the smallest minute longer than the cook, moving only to stretch his arm and place it over Sanji's shoulder so that he felt more comfortable in his new sleeping position. Immediately after that, as though he had exerted all his strength left before exhaustion came over him, he fell asleep. Dawn soon arrived, and the two of them were still deep in their sleep, until Luffy came by shouting at the top of his voice, "Sanji~ _Meat_!"

What Luffy saw shocked him so much that he yelled at the top of his lungs, successfully gathering the crewmates over. A long, tense silence came over the crew for probably the first time in history, until Nami broke the silence, "Okay… so who managed to make them get along..?" Nami asked in a shaky voice. Usopp and Chopper had their mouths firmly shut – Sanji was still sober where they had left him, and they _didn't_ want to get killed by an irate cook. Of course, they didn't realize that throughout the whole night, both Sanji and Zoro had _remained sober_, and they remembered everything from last night. All Usopp and Chopper cared about were staying alive for an extra day, so despite losing credit for what they did, they kept quiet. Beside them, Robin was smiling knowingly. "Robin, you know who did this, right?" Nami prodded. Robin nodded her head.

"But if they don't wish to claim their prize, I won't give them away either." She answered. "I guess the competition goes on, and now that we know making them get along isn't impossible, I'm sure everyone would double their efforts." She chuckled in amusement, walking back to her room. She knew she'd keep a closer eye on Usopp and Chopper from now on – they seemed to come up with good, plausible plans that _actually_ managed to work.

None of the nakama, excluding Robin, could believe their eyes. Sanji and Zoro had remained sitting side by side throughout the whole night, with Sanji's head resting comfortably on Zoro's shoulder. Zoro's head had also fallen on Sanji's, one of his heavily muscled arms still holding to the neck of the bottle containing the mysterious drink, the other casually slung over Sanji's shoulder.

"_Don't wake them_!" Nami hissed, but it was too late. The ruckus the crew had made upon seeing them together had already roused the two from their sleep. Zoro raised his head to stare at the crew's shocked expressions, and the cook, too, raised his head. Immediately, it met with the swordsman's chin, and the blonde rubbed the top of his head in pain, a slight look of annoyance etched on his face as he glared at the swordsman.

"What?" Zoro demanded to the rest of the crew as the cook managed to sit up again. "You look at us as though we're animals on display."

"Yeah, hell, my head hurts," Sanji added, "Urgh, I think I need to kill Usopp for getting me to drink this heavy stuff…"

Sanji had remembered the name that Luffy had blurted out to him, and of course had remembered seeing that long nose protruding out from behind the barrel; Usopp had, to nobody's surprise, gotten a very good beating. Usopp cursed to himself, realizing that he should've taken the reward when he had the chance, since he got beat up by Sanji in the end anyway, but by that time it was too late. Nami had refused to crown Usopp and Chopper as the winner, and the competition went on as usual, with no winners whatsoever.

...

A/N: I guess you can tell I was pretty much in a deep/contemplative mood writing this... ahahaha. the sentences are so long well I hope you like this pensive side of me then!


	4. Chapter 4

heyyo minna-san! (: hmmmm i'm updating quite regularly, aren't i? hehehh... well actually i wrote this chapter beforehand, so i'm not exactly fast :X anywayyyy, just wondering.. okay, this probably is gonna be a long explanation. i'm pretty much a... very easily distracted person, and when i get inspiration for story plots i just get a whole lot of them at once. basically i've got this plot in mind for an AU one piece fic, but if i ever settle down to write it it's gonna be real long so i'm just wondering... any interest in a high school AU one piece fic (with zosan, of course! heh, but mostly nakama-ship. and i don't think it'll be very funny; it'll probably be quite serious). I don't know, i don't plan on writing it anytime soon but i'm just curious ^^ pleaseeee give suggestions ^^

**Chapter 4**

"Y'know, I was thinking through it all night, and I think I've found the perfect way to submit those two monsters into getting along!" Franky told Brook as they wandered aimlessly about on the deck.

"Yohohoho, what a pleasant surprise; I, for one, am still unable to think of any concrete plan! But of course, you wouldn't tell me anything, would you?" Brook laughed good-naturedly. Franky laughed alongside Brook.

"Nah, it's okay, because you can't do what I'm about to do anyway – no offence, Brook," Franky replied. "I was just thinking, y'know, what makes them hate each other so much? They work pretty well together, and they can get along when they feel like it. So I cracked my brains for a bit, y'know, wasted a bunch of cola just trying to recharge my energy – and then I got it!"

"What is it? Please tell!" Brook egged Franky on, and Franky smiled smugly at his skeletal friend.

"I reached this conclusion last night – though maybe I should've just gone out to deck and gained credit for whatever happened there last night – after wasting three colas. I decided: They don't like each other because they hate each other's faces! There's absolutely no other reason!" Franky grinned victoriously. "Hmph, am I right? I feel _super_ right this week!"

"Yohohoho that is one conclusion I never came up with! I'm not too sure, Franky, but I do hope your plan works! I'm very interested to see it!"

"Ah, it'll be awesome! It'll be super spectacular! With my ultra-helmets, the two of them shall never be able to see each other again!" Franky grinned brightly. "Yeah, I'd definitely win after this."

"And… we can't see them ever again too?" Brook questioned, "Not that I would miss seeing Zoro-san's grouchy face or Sanji-san's scowls – if I even have eyes, that is! Skull joke!" He laughed, and Franky joined in, though there was nothing remotely funny about Brook's skull jokes anymore.

"Well, that's a small sacrifice to pay for the bigger good, I suppose," Franky shrugged. "I'm sure it'll work! So I'll _super_ ~ put it on their heads tonight!"

"Yohohoho, I'll think of something to do to during that time! Perhaps I can try to help you!" Brook answered back, and Franky laughed again for no good reason.

"Sure thing, Brook! You can try, since I'm feeling mighty super this week!" Franky replied confidently. "I'm sure to win this time!"

...

Of course, the long night Zoro and Sanji had yesterday caused them to take an early afternoon nap; there was nothing to do on the Thousand Sunny, and Nami gave the all-clear that the tide would be smooth-sailing for a while, so the both the swordsman and cook had decided to get some well-deserved rest.

Franky, on the other hand, had finished his helmets in record time – of course, he was tempted to add some weapons, as he always was, but all in all he was proud of the mostly-safe helmets he created for the sole purpose of forcing Sanji and Zoro to get along. By a stroke of good luck, when he had finished his masterpieces, both the blonde and the marimo were fast asleep, making it suitable for him to 'plant' the helmets on their heads without them realizing it.

"I shall start with Sanji, since I can't find Zoro now," Franky thought to himself, tip-toeing into the guy's room. Sanji was the only one in the room, besides Franky himself, sleeping soundly on the bed at the far corner of the room. Franky grinned to himself. Of course, when people got near, Sanji would kick from pure reflex, but since Franky was a cyborg, he did not feel much pain from Sanji's sleep-kicks… if Sanji had been awake though, Franky knew it would hurt _a lot_, but for now he could only count his blessings.

"Easy does it," Franky told himself sternly as he reached down towards Sanji, trying to ease the head into the helmet. Even asleep, the cook was hard to handle, and it took Franky about three tries to manage to fit the head into the helmet. After successfully managing to do it, Franky hastily locked the helmet and ran off in search of Zoro.

After a few tough attempts at fitting the helmet onto Zoro, he finally managed it as well, and he clapped his hands together, admiring his handiwork. Most of the Straw Hats were not on deck, so he knew that nobody would see his masterpieces anytime soon, but he was anxious for them to see it.

However, no matter how perfect Franky's construction skills were, he overlooked a fundamental fact – the two people he was dealing with were **_the _**Roronoa Zoro and Black Leg Sanji, of all people. They would never get so easily brought down by mere _helmets_!

...

"Shit, my head feels so heavy, is it due to all the alcohol..?" Sanji cursed, reached a hand out to touch his face, only to find himself in contact with a hard, glass-like material… _"WHAT THE HELL?"_

Meanwhile, somewhere near the kitchen, Zoro stirred awake. Instead of usually waking up to the light breeze blowing at his short, cropped strands of green hair, he awoke to an odd stuffiness, as though he couldn't breathe properly. He frowned, reaching his hand to his forehead to wipe off his sweat when he realized something... _odd_. "_WHAT IS THIS?"_ He bellowed, at the same time that the cook's yell resounded throughout the entire ship.

The two of them frantically ran out onto the decks, looking around them for an answer until they finally caught sight of each other. Both of their eyes narrowed the moment they saw one another, each wearing ridiculous looking war-like helmets on their heads. They circled each other cautiously as though on a battlefield, both eyeing the suspicious object clad on their heads, every muscle in their body taut and ready to fight. Sanji was about to take out a cigarette when he realized he couldn't enjoy his cigarettes – he was wearing a goddamn helmet, for hell's sake! "Someone _better_ explain what's going on," Sanji told Zoro, keeping his box of cigarettes irritably. "What the _hell_ is going on here? Why do I wake up wearing… some sort of war helmet?"

"Huh? You asking me? Like I'd know," Zoro retorted, narrowing his eye at Sanji, but from the coverage brought by the helmet, Sanji saw nothing. "Luffy! Usopp! Nami! Anyone out there..?"

Brook had decided to lend Franky a helping hand, and was currently putting up an exciting and enjoyable performance in the galley of the Thousand Sunny, even though Franky had never requested for his help. He 'yohohoho'ed to himself, thinking about how the two were faring against Franky's inventions. Meanwhile, the shipwright was walking around the Thousand Sunny, hoping to find some nakama to witness his amazing handiwork when he heard the shouting fest going on at the deck. Grinning proudly to himself, he made his way back to the deck.

"WHY THE HELL IS THIS MY FAULT..? I WOKE UP TO THIS FUNNY THING ON MY HEAD, YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY?" Sanji yelled, his eyes blazing with an anger that the swordsman couldn't see.

"SO WHY IS IT _MY_ FAULT THEN? I WAS SLEEPING THE WHOLE TIME!" Zoro shot back fiercely.

"WHAT THE HELL? I –" But the rest of his sentence was interrupted by a loud, sudden blast from behind him that made him jolt and turn backwards, but there was nothing there. He frowned, when another loud shot exploded from beside his ear. "WHAT IS GOING ON?"

"LOVE-COOK, YOU'RE ATTACKING ME!" Zoro yelled back. Sanji's eye widened - _he wasn't doing anything!_ Behind them, Franky was grinning slightly. This was a weapon he made for fun, knowing that neither of them would die from it – the trigger to this weapon was anger, or at least a high rush in skin temperature. He briefly wondered how long it'd take for them to win against his weapon, and he laughed confidently. His weapon wouldn't be defeated too easily, especially since it was made of high-grade steel!

"HELL I'M NOT –" Once again, his sentence was drowned by a huge 'bang', and suddenly he found himself face to face with a sharp bullet. He ducked due to reflexes, and then glared at Zoro.

"WHAT THE _HELL_ WAS THAT ABOUT?" Sanji yelled, when he realized that many other missile-like projections were directing themselves right at the swordsman, and watched as the swordsman deflected all the bullets easily with the back of his sword. Following closely after that, barely giving the cook time to gather his senses, a multitude of attacks were projected straight at him, seemingly coming from Zoro's body itself. Sanji dodged the bullets with ease, but his mind was in a whirlpool of mess. Yet again, something jerked him backwards; a deafening crack knocked him out of his composure, and bullets that came from nowhere were launching themselves at Zoro once again. "What the…" He muttered in disbelief, and then suddenly it clicked. "OI! YOU SHITTY SWORDSMAN!"

"I'M A LITTLE BUSY HERE!" The swordsman answered back, but the marimo wasn't doing anything. He stood motionless in his spot, watching as the simultaneous projectiles shot towards him at rapid speeds, all about less than an inch away from him when he swung his sword. Immediately, the bullets landed on the deck of the Thousand Sunny with a 'tink' sound.

"The bullets; they're coming from the helmets!" Sanji answered as he swiftly avoided the oncoming bullets with ease, his legs moving quickly and instinctively beneath him.

"_Helmets_..?" Zoro echoed, "No wonder. Which part? I'm going to tear it down," Zoro narrowed his eye. Sanji grinned.

"For you…" Sanji frowned, locating the small, miniscule weapon installed by the side of the helmet, "On the right side of your head! Right beside your ear!" Zoro nodded firmly. He tightened his hold on the hilt of his sword, and swung the back of his sword at the air beside the _left_ side of his ear, slicing into the air. He frowned, "There's nothing there."

The cook was watching him with his jaw slightly agape, and then shook his head. He should've known – that man's sense of direction was bad _even _when they were **not walking**! He took a deep sigh, and fished for his cigarettes in his pocket when he realized that he couldn't use them anyway. That only served to make him angrier and more annoyed. As a result, the bullets dove towards Zoro in swarms, racing across the air, moving so quick that it was just a blur – but before even meeting Zoro's flesh, the bullets had all fallen lifelessly onto the deck, all their energy sapped out of them.

"Oi, you stupid cook, you gave me the wrong instructions." Zoro accused.

"I _didn't_ – but then again, a senseless idiot like you wouldn't get it," Sanji sighed deeply. "The weapon's at…" He paused, trying to phrase his words in a way that the stupid marimo would get it easily, "The side of your head _without_ the scarred eye," Sanji yelled. Zoro's _left_ eye was scarred, so the non-scarred eye would be the _right_… even _Zoro_ wouldn't get that wrong. Sanji smirked.

"Alright, you'd better not be lying," Zoro warned. Sanji grinned as he watched Zoro hold up his sword…

And slice at the air _behind_ him.

This time, Sanji was truly, and utterly, speechless. Zoro glared at the cook, walking towards him with long, strong strides – until another torpedo of attacks zoomed out of the weapon at the _right_ side of his helmet and towards Sanji with a vengeful purpose. Somewhere hiding on the ship, Franky's jaw had dropped to the ground, his eyes wide in surprise and utter disbelief.

"I thought my weapons would get defeated easily," Franky said under his breath, "But who knew Zoro would first get defeated by his lack of sense of direction?"

"OI, LOVE-COOK, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL?" The swordsman demanded as the cook busied himself dodging the bullets.

"ME..? _ME_? I – Urgh, never mind," Sanji ruffled his hair in frustration, and then walked towards the marimo. He should've thought of this earlier. He brought up his leg and smashed them against the right side of Zoro's helmet, instantly crushing the weapon into pieces. Due to the impact, even the helmet had cracked; a long, deep, almost irreparable (unless repaired by Franky) crack. After a few seconds, the helmet had broken cleanly into twoand fell off Zoro's head, landing loudly onto the ground. The swordsman looked peeved that he had let Sanji kick him on his head, and demonstrated that by slashing Sanji's helmet.

Crack.

What just happened? Franky blinked his eyes in disbelief – the remaining of the helmet had tumbled onto the ground loudly, freeing Sanji from its compounds, the wasted metal littered on the ground. Even though he hadn't used his _best_ metal, he was sure that it'd at least hold up for one attack. Franky watched the two of them in dismay; maybe they had grown even stronger than he had expected in the two years… that was really _super_!

"Okay, time for answers." Zoro told Sanji, sheathing his katana back. Sanji nodded his head, taking out his cigarette and finally, _finally_, placed it between his lips where it belonged.

"There's only one person to find," Sanji shrugged, and the both of them turned simultaneously to fix their glares on Franky, who was shocked by the sudden blast of hot, furious energy directed straight at him.

_"What did you do?"_ The two of them growled. Sanji had his hands casually tucked into his pockets, his demeanour looking like his usual, nonchalant self, but in his blue eyes contained a hot, searing anger; Zoro had his usual trademark scowl on, the muscles on his forearm taut, his one eye fixing a deadly stare on Franky. Together, the two of them approached Franky menacingly, seemingly to emit a dark, murderous aura that sent chills up Franky's back – something that the cyborg _didn't_ often feel.

"Uh… sorry… but… I guess today is not such a super day after all!" Franky yelled, running for his life as the two members of the monster trio chased after him, bombarding him with slashes and relentless kicking as he ran for his dear life.

Today _really_ wasn't such a super day anymore, Franky decided.

...

Heheh, how was it? Never thought Franky could come up with _super_ plans, so i thought this was the best he could do! Or... is it? :)

ANYWAY, please review (: i'm always afraid of going OOC, so if i do, tell me! ^^ much appreciated y'all!


	5. Chapter 5

heyyo all! thanks for all the comments... i really appreciate them :D ANYWAYY, i'm really sorry, but this chapter's quite short... but i think chapter 6 is gonna be quite long! BUT... my exams are coming up next week so... i may not really have time to write.. but don't worry! I'm already like one-third through chapter 6 so I doubt it'll take long... anyway, enjoy the short chapter ^^

...

The cook slumped into his seat at the dining table after having washed all the dishes. It was ridiculous, really, everything that happened. First, Nami-swan had asked of him a favour, which he couldn't do! It shamed him tremendously that he failed, especially since it was the swordsman's fault! He sighed, taking a deep drag of his cigarette. Then after that, there was the appearance of that funny alcoholic drink that somehow Usopp was behind – but that long-nosed liar didn't tell him anything, even when he was beating him up! Sanji sighed deeply; and now, this… incident with Franky. Franky wasn't like Luffy or Chopper or Usopp; he wouldn't play stupid pranks on the crewmembers. At most, he'd just stand at the sidelines and laugh. The blonde didn't understand this _at all_.

He was in a particularly bad mood as he walked out onto the deck to watch over the ship, since it was his duty today. It was just as well that the stupid marimo was on deck too. He eyed Sanji as he walked past, and this only helped heighten Sanji's annoyance. "_What_?" He demanded.

"It's not your birthday coming up, is it?" Zoro asked. Sanji was taken aback by the suddenness of the question.

"No," Sanji answered.

"Then I don't get why everyone is trying to pull pranks on us, if that's what they're doing," The swordsman told the cook, his expression pensive. "I mean, all it did was cause us to fight more – what's the point?"

Precisely; what exactly was the point anyway? The cook looked out at the sea again, lighting up a cigarette. "I don't know. What's the whole point? IF they want to see me beating you up into a pulp they can see it anytime. Why the whole dramatic flair..?" Sanji agreed.

And of course, their short-term friendship was immediately replaced by their strong rivalry – within seconds, the two of them were engaged in another meaningless fight when…

_CLUCK_.

What?

"What the _hell_?" Sanji's head was pressed against the side of Zoro's, and the two of them were locked in that position, a pair of hands pressing them as hard and as close as possible.

Luffy laughed, "Now you shall get along!" Luffy decided.

"You don't decide things like this – and _definitely_ not in this way!" Sanji growled, and Zoro grunted in response. Luffy continued laughing.

"I'm not letting go unless you get along!" Luffy told them, grinning brightly. On the deck, Robin was laughing at the weird antics of her captain.

"You can't make us," Zoro said firmly. Yet again, in a brief, rare moment of friendship, the two of them attacked Luffy at the same time. Zoro swiped his katana at the air, and Luffy jumped to avoid it. Immediately, a leg shot up, kicking Luffy in the stomach and thrusting him to the end of the Thousand Sunny, slamming hard against the railing.

"Ow! That's not fair!" Luffy whined, but it didn't matter. The two of them were quarrelling again anyway.

Nami smiled. "We all have one more turn but you, Robin, so what do you plan to do?" Nami grinned. "Oh, I consider Brook working with Franky since he used a distraction technique – of course, I'm not gonna let the two off!" Nami leaned forward, "Robin! What're you planning to do? I'm not a competitor anymore, not by considerably; you can tell me!"

Robin smiled in her usual enigmatic way, "I daresay I've formed a plan to help out Mr. Swordsman and Mr. Cook. But of course, it wouldn't be fun to tell you, would it?"

"Aw, Robin, don't be like this!" Nami sighed, knowing she wouldn't get Robin to budge. "Okay, let's see how it turns out anyway. I'm going to try for my second turn next!" Nami grinned. Robin laughed.

"I think I know what you have in mind," Robin said, "But you should play safe."

"It's alright, Robin! I'll handle it!" Nami flashed Robin her winning smile, then strode out the door.

...

"I-I…" Nami came out just at the moment where Luffy was struggling against the firm grasp of the cook and the swordsman. Luffy was flailing around madly, trying hard to think of something else to force the two of them to get along – _that_ was how desperate he was to have an all-you-can-eat meat buffet by Sanji. "I won't eat meat for a _week_! Please! Get along! Captain's order!"

Both Sanji and Zoro were stunned by Luffy's outburst, and let him go. "W-What..?" Zoro exchanged a glance with Sanji. "No meat… for a _week_?"

"Yeah," Luffy nodded his head excitedly. He _wasn't_ lying – he definitely wasn't. After a week, he'd get to eat all the meat that he wanted! He could exercise enough self-control to stop eating meat for a week… yeah, he could… maybe? Um… maybe he'd stop eating meat for 5 days… no, 4… 3? 2 days! No, that was too long… maybe 1? Urgh, 6 hours! 6 hours! As Luffy was busy trying to figure out how many days he could last without meat, Zoro and Sanji were still flabbergasted by his words. Even Nami, who was standing by the door, watched the scene in utter and complete shock.

"You can't do that," Sanji told Luffy confidently. "If you can, I'll get along with this marimo idiot."

"I – c-c-c-c-an…" Luffy sputtered nervously, trying to lie… but alas, Luffy could never lie. "I CAN'T!"

Both the cook and the swordsman exchanged grins – they _knew_ this would happen. "Ah, then dear Captain, that's no deal for you."

"B-But… I'm sure… I can last for 6 hours?" Luffy frowned, "Yes, 6 hours is good! Sanji! Accept me! Accept my offer! 6 hours, and you get along with Zoro? Please? Captain's orders!"

"Don't add the 'Captain's orders' at the back of your sentence," Sanji muttered under his breath. To Luffy, he said, "No, you promised a week. If you can't do it, the deal's off."

"B-But… Sanji~!" Luffy protested.

"Leave it," Zoro cut in, "You broke the promise. It's a no deal." Pouting, a disheartened Luffy left. Meanwhile, Nami was practically radiating joy. Luffy had used all two tries! There was nothing he could do now! He was too desperate for meat.

"Ah, but I never guessed him to be the winner anyway," Nami shrugged. She waited until Sanji returned into his safe haven, the kitchen, before she strode out confidently to meet Zoro. "Zoro," She said. Zoro turned around.

"Huh? What do you want?" He asked sleepily.

"So far, you owe me more than 400 million beli, and even that is going easy on you." Nami told him sternly, her hands on her hips. Zoro frowned.

"Yeah, so… no, wait! I don't owe you so much –"

"ANYWAY, it's been two years. About time since you've paid the debt, don't you think?" Nami smirked at the expression of outrage Zoro had on his face. "What, you can't keep your debts?"

"I don't even owe you so much! I don't see why I should –"

"Protesting..? Okay, it'll be 500 million beli," Nami interrupted. Zoro's one good eye widened at the statement.

"Oi, you witch! Stop upping the price –"

"600 million beli ~" Nami sang-song, raising her eyebrow at Zoro, "Oh, you still wish to protest?"

"Urgh, fine," Zoro gave up, "I'll pay you, alright! But I don't have enough right now."

"Don't worry," Nami grinned slyly at him, "I've got something for you to do for your debt to be half-cleared."

"Only half-cleared?" Zoro growled, but Nami merely shrugged.

"What, it can be a quarter cleared only, if you wish," She answered smoothly. Zoro clenched his fist tightly.

"Okay, fine, what is it?"

"Sell off your three earrings," Nami said immediately.

"No!" Zoro glowered at Nami, "I will not. You don't have the right to sell it off!"

"Well… considering that you owe me a huge debt, I'd say yes, I do." Nami stuck her tongue out at Zoro. "Or do you want an alternative? I can think of one…"

"Think of it then," Zoro demanded.

"Ouch, so fierce… hmm, let's see…" Nami pretended to think hard, "Okay then, since Sanji-kun failed to do this for me… Zoro, get along with Sanji."

"What?" Zoro frowned at Nami, "You have something up your sleeve. You, and the rest of the crew. What's going on? I'm not taking this easily."

"You're rejecting my magnanimous offer?" Nami asked, fluttering her eyelids at Zoro. "Aw, then…"

"Answer me; what is it you're trying to do?" Zoro ordered, but Nami wasn't in the least bit afraid, of course.

"Ah, that…" She stuck her tongue out at Zoro again, "You can't know! But maybe… if you accept my offer…"

"I refuse." Zoro replied firmly. Nami widened her eyes in disbelief.

"W-w-what..?"

"I refuse. I don't trust you." He answered. "Luffy, and you, both want to make me and that stupid love-cook get along. I don't get it."

Ah, Nami thought to herself, apparently he hadn't yet linked Chopper's, Usopp's and Franky's ploy as a way to make them get along. Well then, it would be against the rules to disclose the agenda of the whole competition.

"Well, you can guess forever then." Nami snapped, and then strode off angrily. Zoro frowned, and shrugged to himself before sleeping on the ground again.

...

"Robin, you must do something! It's impossible, the two of them!" Nami begged. Robin chuckled.

"I would like to tell you first-hand that I only plan to have one chance. I don't see the need to have second tries – meaning that I have failed an attempt once." Robin told Nami. "I don't deal with second tries."

"How confident you must be!" Nami grinned, sashaying up to Robin. "Tell me your plan!"

"It wouldn't be interesting if I told you, would it?" Robin answered, "But I think Brook and Franky might be coming up with a very… intriguing plan."

"Intriguing as in… manageable..? Or completely impossible..?" Nami asked.

"The latter, I would think," Robin smiled, "Especially with the addition of Franky in the plan," She added. Nami laughed.

"Then my bet's really on you, Robin!"

YES, i know, the chapter's short. But Luffy's attempts are always like that: short, sweet, straight-forward. Haha I don't even know what i'm rambling about... anyway please leave comments and/ more ideas ^^ :P THANKS IN ADVANCE ~~!


	6. Chapter 6

Heyya! I've finally caught up to the latest manga chapter and OMGGGGG TRAFALGAR LAWWWWWW 3 how i've missed him! :DD of course Sanji and Zoro and Luffy are all still brilliant, but TRAFALGAR! Even his name is so freaking awesome... but Luffy can't pronounce it. Well I suppose that's expected... ANYWAY speaking of the story I mentioned earlier before, I was bored so I typed out part of the first chapter? Heh, and i like it so far :X but idk if i'd still continue it...

ANYWAY, this is a pretty long chapter (i think), so I hope you enjoy it! AND PLEASE do review! if i could i'd give you cookies! NOT the annoying virtual cookies of course, but imagine home-made chocolate chip cookies! or whatever flavor you like! okay i'm crapping now, and i need to head off to go school soon so... enjoy!

**Chapter 6**

"Usopp'n-sama is here! Yes, Chopper, you called?" The long-nosed sniper asked, grinning brightly. "You said it was something – _ahem_ – secret."

"Usopp, Usopp! I thought of this brilliant plan for the competition!"Chopper squealed excitedly, jumping around madly on his hooves. "But I need your help for this one. We're allies now, aren't we?"

"Of course we are! Captain Usopp and the first mate, Chopper, shall conquer the world! Together, we shall face the two monster beasts that is Zoro and Sanji, and shall bestow upon them an unlikely friendship that'll let us win the competition!" Usopp proclaimed loudly, wielding a long stick in the air as though it was a sword. "Yes, we shall, and the whole world shall sing our names, and only of us – for we are the almighty, brilliant… Captain Usopp's 8000 men crew!"

"Wow, really, Usopp? We're going to have _8000_ men on our crew?" Chopper squealed in delight once more, his wide-eyed gaze fixated on Usopp, "I'm gonna be first mate?"

"Ah, of course – who else befits the title of First mate for Captain Usopp'n-sama better than you?" Usopp agreed seriously.

"I-It doesn't make me happy at all if you praise me, you asshole!" Chopper claimed, but his huge grin and little dance of joy gave him away easily.

"Now!" Usopp bent forward to Chopper, placing his mouth by the reindeer's ear, "What's the secret plan? What's the strategy? For if it's created by the almighty first mate of Captain Usopp, it will be a success!"

That reduced Chopper to become, yet again, a contradicting mess, and it took about half an hour before Chopper could say his strategy.

The moment Chopper had finished, Usopp stared at the doctor in wonderment. "You thought of that?"

"Y-yes… is it any good?" The doctor asked nervously. Usopp's jaw was agape – he never knew Chopper could think of such things!

"Yeah – and with Captain Usopp's participation in it, you can be sure it'll be the best!"

"… It doesn't make me happy that you liked my idea, you idiot!" Chopper yelled, turning away from Usopp to hide his embarrassment.

…

"I'm hungry ~" Luffy whined, "Sanji! When will lunch be ready? Sanjiiiii~~~"

"Why I ever thought this guy could restrain himself for at least 6 hours," Sanji muttered to himself, shaking his head. "It's not done yet! If you continue bothering me you'll never get your food!" Sanji yelled back, pushing the flailing Captain out of his kitchen. "Stay _out_!"

"But… SANJI~~ I'm hungry!" Luffy pleaded loudly even when the door was slammed in his face. Somehow he seemed to have taken his loss of the promise of a meat buffet very hard. Behind him, Usopp shook his head and let out a sigh.

"Luffy, I know it's hard," Usopp began gravely, patting Luffy on the back, "But too bad! You've lost and now it's my turn to win, so make way for Captain Usopp-sama!" He grinned cheekily up at the forlorn Captain, rushing into the kitchen and slamming the door shut.

"Usopp! No fair!" Luffy whined from behind the wooden door, but Usopp didn't care.

"What're you doing here? You seem to have agitated Luffy," The cook said, barely casting Usopp a further glance. "I'm still preparing; lunch won't be ready yet."

"It's not about lunch… Sanji, do you have some time to spare?" Usopp asked nervously, looking around the kitchen. It was the first time he had actually stayed in the kitchen long enough to watch Sanji prepare his food. All the clean dishes were already laid out on the table, despite preparations for lunch not being completed yet. An array of fresh vegetables lay on the chopping board, and in a small bowl beside them contained neatly diced onions and garlic. Meanwhile, the blonde was busying himself tying up the meat expertly with a string, while a pot of water bubbled to a boil beside him.

"Not really," The cook answered distractedly, placing the meat into the boiling water. He then, without even looking, chose a knife from the cabinet and began slicing the vegetables. "You need something?"

"N – Yes," The sharpshooter said, taking it as a good sign that Sanji hasn't yet kicked him out. "I need to talk, actually."

The cook frowned, but Usopp didn't see it. After dicing the vegetables, he placed them into another small bowl, and after a quick wash of his hands, he sat down beside Usopp. "About?" He prompted, drying his hands with a paper towel. Usopp was never one to sit down and have a serious chat with Sanji – perhaps something had happened to the sniper.

"W-Well… you see…" Usopp interlocked his fingers nervously, "It's about Chopper?" Usopp let out a deep sigh. He knew he had to do this _very_subtly – the reindeer counted on him! – But he still couldn't get himself into trouble. He'd have to plant this idea very sneakily into Sanji, and then later Zoro's, minds… in some way that they wouldn't murder him if Chopper's plan had failed, but in a way that'll still make Chopper's plan work. Only the almighty Captain Usopp-sama can accomplish such a tough assignment!

Well, at least he _hoped_.

"Chopper..? What about him? Is he sick?" The blonde asked, a slight frown etched on his face. Nothing _ever_ happened to Chopper. If something did, it had to be something bad. Judging from the sharpshooter's posture, however, the cook didn't think that it was anything serious. At _most_, the sniper looked slightly nervous and fidgety – if something bad had _really_ happened, Usopp would have just come straight to the point.

"I don't know," The long-nosed liar said, turning away from the blonde's sharp gaze and placing his hands on the table. "I think something may have happened to him during the two year absence. I mean… we all went to different places right? And we all experienced different things… I don't know; think one of them might've hit Chopper pretty hard…"

Sanji thought of his time at the okama hell, and heaved a shudder. Usopp was damn well _right_ – some of them, namely _him_, did experience some horrible things. He didn't know whether it was pure good fortune that he managed to leave the hell relatively unscathed, but he did know that he'd appreciate every single second he had _out_ of it.

"What happened to Chopper?" Sanji asked curiously. He didn't know where Chopper had been sent off to, and never really thought to ask since nobody seemed willing to share their whereabouts in the past two years. Of course, he was one of the people who'd definitely not willingly share about his time in _hell_. Nobody needed to know that but him.

Usopp took a deep breath. Chopper had told him to be subtle, to not raise Sanji's suspicions – of course, since so many attempts had already been made on getting the two of them to get along, they were bound to be suspicious! Usopp had to make sure that Sanji wouldn't suspect a thing, and later he'd have to do that with Zoro as well. "Um… well… I think he saw some pretty bad fighting there, or something. Don't you notice how he watches the crew so often nowadays? As though looking out for something..?"

The blonde merely looked thoughtful. He didn't get what Usopp was trying to say. Chopper had been acting normal – getting excited over Franky's over-the-top weapons and all – and had gained some pretty interesting new transformations as well, but he didn't seem to, as what the sniper described, '_look out for something'._

"I mean," Usopp hastily added, trying to convince Sanji even though it was almost a futile attempt. "Maybe you didn't notice since you're stuck in the kitchen most of the time, not that I'm blaming you," He held his hands up in a form of surrender, "But well, I'm always with Chopper, so I can sense it."

"What's wrong with him?" Sanji asked again, already getting a bit annoyed that Usopp wasn't getting to the main point. If Chopper had something troubling him, Usopp wouldn't have gone around the bush like that! He'd just _spill_.

"Well… like I said… he keeps looking out for something in the crew. I mean, based on what I managed to get him to tell me, in the island he lived in for the past two years, he had been living in a place where monstrous birds and humans were _constantly at war_ with one another. I think that gave him a trauma of sorts, so that he doesn't wanna see people not getting along anymore…"

Well, Usopp was finally getting to the main point, Sanji thought to himself. It was all about him and Zoro getting along, wasn't it? Why was everyone trying to force them to get along? Was it because of Chopper? Did everyone notice?

But it was impossible for the stupid swordsman to not notice that. He practically treated Chopper like a younger brother – he _always_ took care of Chopper, no matter what kind of situation they were in. How could the marimo himself _not_ have noticed Chopper's problem?

"I mean, we're not sure or anything," Usopp was still rattling along when Sanji came back from his deep thoughts, "That's what we're suspecting right now… I mean, I just realized it today, I don't know, I wanted to talk to you about… you know…"

"Playing nice with the stupid marimo?" Sanji helped.

"Y-Yeah," Usopp nodded his head.

"I don't get it. Why is everyone so determined on making us get along? You said you just realized Chopper's situation today, meaning there's another reason for the others acting all weird around us. You know what it is, don't you?" Sanji narrowed his eyes at Usopp, who shook his head immediately.

"W-What..? I only know of that thing with Luffy – I mean, he's being so loud, I thought he was on one of his funny whims again…" Usopp fibbed, "It's not connected at all, I swear!"

"Hm…" The cook didn't give a reply. He looked over at his bubbling stove, "I need to prepare my food." He said. Usopp knew it to be a dismissal.

"O-Okay… I hope you take into account my words," Usopp managed to squeak out the last sentence before bolting out of the door.

_Phew_, it was the very first time the sharpshooter had tried to pull off a _convincing_ lie – usually all his lies were so obviously _lies_ that nobody called him out on it, but this time he was trying to lie convincingly! It was different, and it took every ounce of determination in him not to exaggerate Chopper's supposed 'plight' to Sanji. He knew he tried his best, and hoped that Sanji would fall for it. What he was trying to do… was a very complex way of making the two of them confront one another, and try to keep himself out of trouble as much as possible! Usopp sighed… Now all that was left was Zoro.

…

"Zoro, can I have a word with you?" The sharpshooter asked the swordsman. Of course, Chopper _didn't_ tell him what to do – he merely suggested trying to get the two of them to have an amicable talk to sort out their problems with one another, and left it to the sniper's own devices to do that. With Usopp being the only one of the two of them to be able to lie, whether convincingly or not, he had to approach both monsters… and he was scared out of his mind to get caught, _dammit_!

"Huh?" Zoro was in the midst of lifting weights, but at the sniper's solemn expression he placed his weights down on the ground.

Once again, the sniper got into a long-winded explanation of how the swordsman and cook's fighting were affecting the poor doctor and his poor ailment, and subtly, he suggested for them to make peace with one another soon.

Throughout the whole story, Zoro remained silent, unlike Sanji, a pensive look on his face. The sharpshooter didn't know whether or not to consider it a good or a bad thing. He definitely knew that Sanji suspected him, but Zoro's face didn't give anything away. He noted to himself that if Zoro ever wanted to learn to lie, he'd make a good protégé.

"So, Chopper needs help." Zoro stated firmly, stoically, his tone betraying nothing of what he felt inside. "And it concerns the stupid cook."

"Y-Yeah… I mean, I think he's scared, constantly witnessing fighting and all, it must've been tough for him. And I think this nervousness stems from the two of you, constantly fighting and all…"

"You only realized this today?" Zoro frowned.

"Y-Y-Yeah," Usopp answered, noting that Zoro was probably coming to the same conclusion as Sanji.

"I get it. I'll go talk to him."

Usopp nodded his head and left, only to realize that Zoro didn't really specify who the 'him' was.

Ah well, he had done his best – if all failed, all he could hope for was a lighter beating from the two of them.

…

"Heard you haven't been feeling too well, Chopper," Sanji said as the doctor walked past him on his way to making more medicines. Chopper was confused. He felt well. He was a doctor! But then he realized that Usopp must've whipped up some brilliant story to fool them.

"Yeah, I suppose," Chopper answered, not going into details. Sanji frowned, but only slightly. He meant it as a 'heard you haven't been feeling too well on the crew' kind of thing, and based on what Usopp had told him, Chopper _didn't_ tell anyone about this – why would he admit to it so easily, then?

Meanwhile, Chopper was swooning over the brilliant and flawless way Usopp had used to fool the two of them. If Sanji was asking questions, it meant that Usopp's plan had worked, didn't it? The plan had been to make Sanji and Zoro confront each other and sort out their problems – perhaps Usopp had decided to make Chopper play the role of the mediator? Chopper grinned to himself. Usopp was awesome!

_"Usopp, I think the best way to make them get along… is to make them address their problems."_

_"Their problems..?" Usopp frowned, "I think they just hate each other instantly. There are no problems between them."_

_"There must be!" Chopper proclaimed fervently, "The Island that I was at for two years… well, the humans and birds were constantly raging wars on one another when I arrived."_

_"Humans and… __**birds**__..?" Usopp frowned at Chopper, "Did you get it right?"_

_"__**Yes**__, humans and birds," Chopper replied, "They didn't understand one another, but they kept on fighting non-stop. Since I can speak to animals, I acted as a mediator for them and found out the root of their problems. Since then, they've lived in harmony with one another."_

_"Wow, really? You're brilliant, Chopper!"_

_"Y-Your praises doesn't make me happy, you idiot!" Chopper denied, even though his cheeks were bright red. "A-Anyway, there must be something that's causing the rift between Sanji and Zoro! I don't think I'll be very good at talking to them about it… so…"_

_"You want to enlist the help of Captain Usopp?" _

_"Yes! I mean, if it's Captain Usopp, I'm sure you can do it! Confronting the two of them about their problems is… quite scary," Chopper shivered. "I mean, what if something goes wrong?"_

_"Don't worry about it! Captain Usopp-sama will handle it all! Did I tell you about the time –?"_

Chopper grinned to himself. Even though he didn't know what Usopp had said to them, or what he had got to do with it, Sanji had asked him about his wellbeing! Which was a sort of 'problem', to say the least… maybe Sanji was planning to ask the whole crew, and Zoro was one of their nakama, wasn't he?

Chopper knew his thoughts _didn't_ make sense, but he trusted Usopp fully and so he just went along with the flow of the conversation.

"What happened?" Sanji asked, leaning against the railing of the ship, his cool blue gaze firm on Chopper's honey brown ones. "Anything you'd like to talk about?"

"Um…" Chopper didn't quite know what to say. After all, he _didn't_ know what sort of story Usopp had whipped up! He didn't know he'd be part of the plan in the first place! Chopper panicked. "I-I need to check on my medicines, if not… the… medicines might go wrong! Bye!" He squeaked, running away even before he had finished his sentence. The cook watched Chopper with a slightly disinterested expression, taking out a cigarette and inhaling deeply. Something was definitely wrong.

And the stupid marimo had something to do with it.

But Sanji didn't think that finding the marimo would solve the problem. In fact, he thought that if he had approached the swordsman, more things would happen instead. Well, at least, so far that seemed to be the case, and Sanji wanted to _avoid_ the swordsman, not approach him.

Meanwhile, somewhere on the deck, Zoro was watching the cook approach Chopper, and subsequently Chopper's frantic escape. Obviously something was going on. Something that he wasn't really much interested to look up on, especially if it meant having to see the cook once again… Zoro groaned. He had enough of the cook already. He didn't know why, but seeing the cook seemed to be a bad omen. When the two of them chanced upon one another, which was very likely in such a small ship, something weird _always_ happened, something weird that concerned the crewmembers. The swordsman knew better than to encourage such stupidity, so he just allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

If he could, he'd try to lay off trouble – he'd very much prefer not to be the victim of his childish crewmember's antics, if he could, but since he knew he could not, he'd just decided that he would delay the inevitable.

After all, trouble was the one that usually found him, not the other way around.

"I don't think it worked, Usopp… they aren't even speaking to one another! What did you say to them?" Chopper asked, his gaze flitting from Sanji's slouched posture as he faced the sea, to Zoro's usual sleeping one.

"I… tried to make you the catalyst for their confrontation!" Usopp admitted. "I told them that you didn't feel comfortable with their constant arguments so that they'd do something about it… I mean, I know that Sanji was quite suspicious, but I thought he'd at least talk to the swordsman _about_ my suspicious actions!" Usopp shook his head. "It's no use. The two of them are too strong. We can't defeat them, my first-mate."

"We can't..?" Chopper's expression fell, "Wait! We weren't supposed to defeat them in the first place! I don't want to defeat them! Usopp, what are you talking about?"

"Ah, it's no use…" Usopp said dramatically, resting the back of his hand against his forehead, "We can't do it… it's an impossible task after all…"

"Usopp!" Chopper yelled in horror.

"I think this is it, first mate… our plan has failed," Usopp turned away, "We can't do this anymore. We have failed. It was impossible after all."

"Captain!" Chopper wailed, and Usopp sniffed.

"I'm sorry, I have failed you…"

"NO! You haven't! They are too strong – they're invincible! It's not your fault! Everyone else failed, too!"

"Ah, I suppose you're right –"

"What on Earth are those two doing? Play-acting..?" Nami frowned, looking at them from above a book. "Seriously, did they even try hard enough?"

"Well, Nami," Robin answered, "I think it's a yes; however, Zoro and Sanji have grown too wary of our actions, so in the end, it had failed. We need to be on our toes from now on."

"Argh, why are the two of them so freaking _sharp_? I mean, not that it's a bad thing, but at this kind of situation? It wouldn't hurt if they learnt from _Luffy_ for a bit!"

"Eh, Nami, you called?" Luffy was swinging like a monkey on the railing, grinning up at Nami, "Is there food?"

"No, there isn't," Nami sighed, "Now go away."

"Okay!"

Robin laughed at the exchange, "I suppose I have to work harder now, don't I?"

"Yes, you'd better!" Nami agreed, "I put my faith in you!"

...

SO how did you find it? :D please please PLEASE comment! and i always wanted to see how it'd be like if Usopp were to try to lie... properly. as in, not long-winded far-fetched stories, but something really plausible. I always thought it'd never succeed, because of Usopp's tendency to exaggerate WAY too much ^^ haha so how did he fare? (:


	7. Chapter 7

HELLO AND HERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER :D

**Chapter 7**

"AND ~~ SO, we've prepared a super~ party for all of you!" Franky announced at the galley proudly, with Brook standing by his side. Nami raised an eyebrow at Robin, who merely chuckled in that usual mysterious way of hers.

"A PARTY~?" Luffy yelled, "Is there gonna be meat? There's gonna be meat, isn't there? A meat buffet prepared by Sanji..? Sanji, is there a meat buffet? I'm hungry!"

"You're noisy!" Usopp complained, and Luffy stuck his tongue out at Usopp. Before he knew it, Usopp was chasing Luffy around the galley, trying, and failing miserably, to catch that idiotic captain when Franky stood in front of Usopp, successfully obstructing his path with his humongous body. "Franky!" Usopp gave a shout of indignation.

"Fun and games only happen AFTER the performance!" Franky said sternly, and Usopp frowned.

"What performance?"

"OW! I'm glad you asked! Brook, hit it!" Franky gestured to Brook. Brook gave a quick nod of his head, whipping his violin out from nowhere and strumming chromatic notes in increasing speed, his bow moving so quickly that it all became a blur. Luffy stopped in the middle of swinging from window to window in the galley as the note rose in volume gradually, its speed still increasing. And there began the climax. Instead of going upwards on the chromatic scale, Brook went downwards, his fingers moving at rapid speed, and then the melody went upwards again, downwards, and then upwards, now the speed so fast that individual notes could not be identified anymore. And then the music stopped abruptly.

"What ~" Luffy was about to whine about the end of the performance when Franky appeared with his guitar, his hair now spiked up in all directions. Franky's left smaller hand rested on the finger board of the guitar, his right big hand somehow managing to grip the tiny pick without breaking it into pieces. He strummed a couple of notes on the guitar.

"Oh ~," He sang a long note as Brook silently retreated to the piano. The skeleton played a soulful, deeply melodic tune on the piano, a slight haunted and creepy feeling to the song as Franky continued to hum low notes. Brook continued with the playing of discordant, jarring chords, all smashed together at the same time to produce an inharmonious melody that pricked at the eardrums and sent chills up the backs. Nami rubbed her arms nervously. Usopp and Chopper huddled close to one another as Brook continued to play the series of eerie notes.

"What are they _doing_?" Nami hissed to Robin, who gave a slight shrug, deeply engrossed in the performance. Just when Franky was doing his lowest note yet, and Brook played the creepiest, most chilling tune, with odd dissonant notes overlapping one another and tumbling over each other... Franky suddenly stopped. He paused, tilting his ear towards the audience.

"Did you _hear_ that?" He asked, not addressing anyone in particular. He ran to another side of the stage, sniffing the air. "What's that _smell_?"

"W-W-W-W-hat is it..?" Usopp was shaking so badly he could barely articulate. Chopper squeaked a reply hastily, clinging onto Usopp's arm for his dear life.

"What, what~?" Luffy looked around curiously. "Oi, Franky, what are you talking about~ I see nothing~"

Zoro grinned, though his arms were folded across his chest. Franky was _really_ overdoing himself this time, wasn't he? His acting was quite convincing, actually – but of course, if there really _were_ something, Zoro would've been able to sense its presence. Including the hushed background music provided by Brook, this performance was doing well to scare most of its audience – even Luffy seemed quite unsure of himself now.

"_Hey_ ~ tell me what's going on," Luffy continued, but Franky didn't respond, merely looking around in a fluster as he continued to tilt his ear towards the crowd. Sanji smiled slightly. Even though the party wasn't planned by him, he had a part to play in this. A small role, but a role nonetheless, so he knew what was going on. Of course, he didn't miss out the chance to attempt to comfort his dear Nami-swan.

"Are you afraid, Nami-swan, for there's no need for you to fear; Your dearest knight in shining armour, the dashing prince in blond, is here – ah yes, you can say the name now! Just utter the word, and immediately I will –"

"FRANKY, what _is_ it?" Nami yelled, a tremor slightly evident in her voice. She looked around her cautiously, "Stop doing that! It's scaring us!" Sanji glared at Franky – how _dare_ the name Nami-swan had uttered belonged to _Franky_, instead of **him**?!

"AH!" Franky finally responded, a slight grin spreading across his face. "IF it is this… it MUST be this…"

"What, what, _what_..?" The suspense built up by Franky was now at its highest point, as Usopp and Chopper rushed closer to the stage, eager for what is to happen. Luffy had already thrown himself on the stage, but Robin had sprouted a few hands to stop him from disturbing the performance. It was, after all, _very_ well put up – something she definitely _didn't_ expect.

And then with a flourish of his hand, a table filled to the brim with heavy dishes and food piled atop food appeared, seemingly from underground. "IT'S TIME TO PAR~TAY! OW!" Franky announced. Brook grinned. Chopper, Luffy and Usopp was cheering loudly, clapping their hands so hard that it was a miracle their hands didn't break off. Zoro laughed at their antics, and then his eyes caught sight of barrels of wine hidden somewhere behind where the piano was at. His grin widened.

"Yohohoho~ the real party has started! And all parties cannot do without…" Brook's violin was already placed against his neck before his sentence had finished. Without further ado, he launched into a quick, fast-paced rendition of Binks' Sake.

"On the way to delivering Binks' Sake ~" Luffy sang as he swung himself onto the table, where Sanji managed to kick him off.

"Wait for everyone to get seated first, you glutton," He chided. Luffy pouted, and then grinned brightly at Sanji.

"So you _did_ make meat~ why didn't you say so?" Luffy laughed, and Sanji smiled back.

"Well, I wasn't supposed to say anything, was I?" As they spoke, the crewmembers were already scooping up food into plates. Zoro had already situated himself at the barrels of beer, drinking them as easily and quickly as drinking water. Somewhere nearby, Nami was also gushing down a mug of beer, with one of Robin's hands helping to hold her heavy tray of food as she and Robin chatted brightly. Usopp was yet again narrating another story of one of his great expeditions, with Chopper cooing at every single bit of it. When Luffy realized the crew had already begun the celebrations, he jumped onto the table.

"EVERYBODY~ BINKS' SAKE!" He yelled. All the Straw Hats held up their mugs.

"AYE!"

"YOHOHOHOHO," Brook laughed, and then played Binks' Sake from the start over again. The Straw Hats sang along loudly, with Usopp terribly off-key and Luffy's voice thunderously loud. Franky was dancing on the table amidst all the food, and Luffy and Chopper had placed chopsticks up their noses again. Even though such antics were a common sight, it _had_, after all, been _two_ years – they laughed and clapped and enjoyed themselves immensely as they watched the usual antics of their captain, doctor, musician and shipwright. Usopp then jumped onto the table and began saying yet another story, capturing Luffy and Chopper's attention. Franky was now crying on the table, speaking loudly about how great it was that the crew was back together, and how he'd loved them so much, and how…

The sky darkened, but for the Straw Hats, the night was still young. Stars dotted the sky, glittering brightly, and the Straw Hats partied hard under the brightly-lit sky. Zoro was having a drinking competition with Nami, the reward for him winning was that Nami would halve his debt, and if Nami won, Zoro would owe her double the amount. Not like it mattered much to the swordsman; after all, it wasn't as though he'd _ever_ manage to clear up his debts.

Robin was, as usual, entertaining herself by watching the antics of her crew, while Sanji was running around with a tray perched in his hand. "Robin-chwan, would you like a soufflé?" He asked with a wide grin on his face.

"Yes, thank you, Sanji-san," She answered, taking one of the plates. Immediately after, he ran towards Nami.

"Nami-swan~ would you care for a soufflé?" He asked as Nami downed another huge gulp of beer.

"No, not now, can't you see I'm having a drinking contest?" She snapped. Zoro shot Sanji a grin, and then finished up the remains of his sake bottle.

"15 bottles," He told Nami, who growled.

"14 and a half bottles," She said. "But I'm not nearly done yet!"

"Ah, but your face's all flushed up. You wanna have another go at it?" Zoro raised an eyebrow. The navigator, however, was not one to lose. She turned to fix her pleading eyes on Sanji.

"Sanji-kun, will you take my place?" She asked, batting those long lashes at him. Instantaneously, the cook placed the tray back down onto the dinner table.

"_Mellorine_ ~ of course, I would do anything for you, my Nami-swan –"

"Deal!" She gave him a hi-five, "Okay, Sanji will be continuing for me."

"H-Hey, that's not part of the rules!" Zoro protested, but she stuck out her tongue anyway.

"Well, he volunteered – didn't you, Sanji-_kun_..?" She asked, her voice dripping with utter sugary sweetness that made Zoro want to gag.

"_Yes_!"

"That stupid love-cook can't last in a drinking game against me anyway," He said, and Nami snarled.

"Oh yes he can! Sanji, you're not gonna stop unless you win, understood?" She ordered, and Sanji nodded his head before turning to stare at Zoro with his steely blue gaze.

"I'm not letting you win, marimo," He told Zoro, and unusually, improbably – _impossibly_! - He picked up a bottle of beer – not wine! – And began guzzling it down like how Zoro always did.

"Huh, that's nothing," Zoro answered, picking up another green bottle and drinking the whole thing in one gulp.

"OW! Now there's another segment to this PAR-TAY! Say _WHAT_~?" Franky screeched into the microphone.

"WHAT~!" The over-enthusiastic Luffy, Chopper and Usopp yelled.

"It's gonna be _super_~ fascinating!" Franky continued yelling, "But _shhh_, it's gonna be secret!"

"Shhh!" Luffy, Chopper and Usopp mimed with their fingers on their lips. Nami looked to the stage, where Brook had stopped playing in courtesy for Franky's announcement. Robin was watching from a far corner with amusement, while the swordsman and cook were still drinking bottles and bottles of beer non-stop.

With a glint in his eyes, Franky said his, and Brook's, plan to the whole crew.

...

"A _game_..?" Sanji asked as Franky blind-folded him.

"Me and Brook, the two _super_~ organizers of this party, picked two names from a box," Franky lied easily, ensuring that the cloth was tied tightly enough so that Sanji couldn't see; "You were one of the names picked. Brook knows the other name, but I don't. So basically the two of you will have to do some stuff later on."

Ah, Sanji thought to himself. What if the other person was Nami-swan, or Robin-chwan? Would he get to hug them? Or maybe… Sanji's grin widened upon the very thought. Of course! He'd bestow kisses upon them! Ah, mellorine~ how could he deny the two ladies of what they wished?

Franky smiled slyly at the cook. He knew what fantasises the cook had, and he knew that all that Sanji would feel was disappointment. With all that alcohol in Sanji's system, it's no wonder that he had almost completely forgotten all the attempts to make him and Zoro get along – and _now_ there he was, innocent and _completely_ oblivious, which would make things for Brook and Franky a hundred-percent more easy.

Meanwhile, Brook waved a hand in front of Zoro's blindfolded eyes, "Can you see anything, Zoro-san?" He asked. The swordsman shook his head.

"So what's this about?" He asked again.

"It's a game, and you were picked." Brook answered, "Yohohoho! I didn't expect to pick your name of all things!"

"What's this game about?" Zoro asked, slightly suspicious. If Franky had played a part in planning it, he didn't put much faith in this so-called 'game'.

"Ah, it will be very exciting! It's a way of testing how well you know your nakama!"

"Interesting…" Zoro mumbled to himself. He'd never given much thought to how well he understood his nakama. Granted, they were always together and seemed to be able to read one another's minds, but actually testing it? He wanted to know how he'd fare.

"Alright, I think we're done here. Let's get up on the stage."

"Stage..?" Zoro echoed.

"Of course, all of us wish to watch the game, don't we?"

Zoro only gave a grunt as a reply.

...

And there, on the temporary stage Franky had made for this party, the two of them faced one another, oblivious of each other's identity. Everyone was told to stay quiet and not make a sound – because if they do, the whole point of the game would have gone to waste! Brook wasn't wrong – the game _was_ to find out how well they knew one another.

"Okay, everybody," Franky said, "We have the two contenders up on stage with us! Only Brook and I can be talking from now on, because everything _has_ to stay silent from now on!"

"Y—" Luffy was about to shout as acknowledgement when Usopp clasped a hand hastily over the captain's mouth, berating him softly as Franky continued.

"Alright now, the two of you, move a step closer." He ordered. Sanji took a huge step forward, his hands still tucked in his pockets. He was trembling with excitement – if it was Nami, or Robin, who were standing at the other side… What would he do? He grinned.

Zoro took a heavy step forward, his arms folded across his chest, frowning ever so slightly. "Okay, now, the two of you will first attempt to guess the other's identity by touching any part of the person."

Sanji's heart rose at the very thought. _Nami-swan, Robin-chwan, I'm coming for you~_ he thought to himself gleefully. "Okay, you start first," Franky said into his ear. Sanji raised his hand up slowly, bringing it in front of him… If the person really was either Nami or Robin, he knew he'd be touching their long strands of hair when he touched them, considering their height difference, and he grinned at the very thought. Oh, those long silky strands of hair, he had always…

Tenderly he moved, and his fingers grazed something soft, yet slightly rough… It _wasn't_ hair, which was for sure. It was somebody's _cheek_. Immediately, all the hope seemed to deflate out of him. It wasn't Nami-swan or Robin-chwan, then, he realized with a sinking feeling in his stomach. Ah well, this game didn't seem too fun anymore. He pulled his hand away in disappointment. None of the ladies would've had such rough skin anyway, he told himself sternly. It would be a _blasphemy_ if they did!

The moment Sanji's fingers met Zoro's cheek, Zoro flinched slightly. The fingers that met his skin were barely even touched him – it felt more like a _caress_, one that seemed to suck all the breath out of him. The finger was gone, and Zoro could breathe easily again. Nobody ever touched him like that – he'd _never_ allow them to. Who could it be, Zoro pondered…

Immediately, a face popped up in his mind. The only person who had such a gentle touch, at least one that he felt before, was _Chopper_. Chopper usually had stern words to his eternal patients – Zoro, Luffy and Sanji basically – but his touch was always gentle and soft as he handled their wounds expertly, bounding them up in bandages after every battle. Also, in his human form, Chopper was approximately the same height as he was. He grinned. He knew who it was already.

"Alright, your turn!" Franky announced happily. Meanwhile, the audience were trying hard to stifle their giggles. Yes, granted this was a game, but it was still so damn _weird_ to see Sanji and Zoro act like that! With their faces flushed from trying to stop their giggles, the audience turned their attention on Zoro.

Zoro reached out quickly, and immediately felt something rough under his fingertips. He frowned – it was… stubble..? A moustache..? He pulled away unsurely. Was it _really_ Chopper? It definitely wasn't – it didn't feel as soft and warm as the reindeer's coat. Perhaps it was Usopp. Zoro knew how careful Usopp was when he made new weapons, so the likelihood of it being the sniper was pretty high.

Sanji clenched his fist in irritation. The person had just basically reached out and _rubbed_ his fingers across his stubble roughly, as though trying to get rid of something particularly irksome on his face. He narrowed his eyes. Who the _hell_ could have done that? He'd think it'd be Luffy, but he knew for sure that the rubbery captain wouldn't be able to keep quiet for long, hence completely ruling out that probability. It wouldn't be Usopp either, since he knew Usopp was gentler than that, nor would it be Chopper, who so often managed his injuries with a light touch.

He knew who the person standing across him was instantaneously. Who else could it be? It was easy to rule out the possibilities. Was that stupid _marimo_ seriously playing along with this on purpose? Hell, it was difficult enough trying to get the crewmembers to stop playing stupid pranks on the two of them, so now the marimo had to join in the antics as well?

"OW! I'm pretty sure you've a good guess on the identity of the person! So now, using this microphone which can specially alter voices, there'll be a short Q&A session between the two participants!" Franky handed one over to Sanji, and another to Zoro. "Alright, why not you start first?" He patted Zoro on the shoulder.

Zoro stood there, pensive. What could he ask to prove the identity of Usopp, or the slight possibility of Chopper?

"Where were you born?" Zoro's voice came out in a cute, squeaky voice from the microphone – somewhat similar to Chopper, actually, but even _cuter_ than that. The Straw Hat crew turned to face each other, their eyes wide in horror… it took everything they could to stop from laughing, with Usopp and Chopper squashing Luffy under their body weight so that the captain would not be able to utter a sound.

Sanji froze at the very voice, and almost immediately he burst out laughing. Instantly, a high-pitched, breathy girly voice came out from Sanji's microphone, which only fuelled the Straw Hat crew to laugh even harder and made it all the more harder for them to stop their bout of laughter. Upon hearing his own voice, though, Sanji's humour had vanished. Damn it, he was going to _kill_ Franky! This stupid, sickly _sweet_ feminine voice only brought up horrible, chilly memories of his time in the okama hell, what with all those okamas running after him as they screamed his name 'Sanji-kyun!' in shrilly high-pitched voices!

"Not saying," He answered gruffly to Zoro's question. Zoro was annoyed, of course, about the fact that his voice came out in an adorably un-Zoro-like squeak, but he felt sorrier for Usopp/Chopper/whoever-it-was using that disgustingly feminine voice. If he ever had a choice – not that he'd choose any one of them even if he had to – he'd choose this adorable squeak over that Goosebumps-inducing voice any day.

Zoro grinned. Usopp/Chopper/whoever-it-was must've been really annoyed and pissed… and since his microphone was the better choice, he was in high spirits as he answered, "Oh, c'mon, give an answer won't you?" The cutesy voice that burst out from the microphone only served to enhance the un-Zoro-like effect of the words.

Sanji frowned slightly, knowing that Zoro was _oh so obviously_ toying with him for getting the worse end of the deal. Heck, he may have been the one to plant it on him in the first place! He snarled, "Like you're one to talk, you crazy m –" He paused midway into his sentence. If Zoro was pretending that he didn't know it was Sanji…. Well, easy. Sanji could do that too. Two could play the game. "Where do you _think_ I was born?" Sanji hastily changed his sentence.

Ah, Zoro scratched his head. He couldn't answer that – it was an obvious trick question! "What's your favourite colour?" Zoro changed the topic quickly, though he didn't know what colours Usopp or Chopper liked anyway.

Sanji paused for a while, pursing his lips. "What's your favourite number?" He shot back.

Was this person really _screwing_ with him? Okay fine, he'd do the same too. "What do you like to eat?" He retorted. Meanwhile, Franky and Brook were shaking their heads. Even when they didn't know who the _hell_ each other were, they were _still_ arguing! Was there really no hope after all?

"I don't know," Sanji decided to change his tactic, "Meat, bean sprouts, rice balls, fishes…" He named the favourite food of a few of the Straw Hat members', including his own and Zoro's. Zoro grinned. This person was cheeky, wasn't he? It had to be Usopp. It couldn't be Chopper.

"How's your friend back at home?" Zoro asked teasingly, thinking of Kaya. It had been a long time since Usopp had spoken of her – randomly bringing her up _now_ would _definitely_ get that long-nosed sharpshooter in a fluster.

Sanji's mind went blank momentarily. Friend… back at home? What did Zoro mean? Was Zoro really oblivious about Sanji's identity after all? It was so glaringly obvious that he and that old geezer were definitely _not_ friends! Or was this just another way to annoy Sanji? When Zoro received no response, his grin widened. So he was right.

"Are you guys ready with your answers?" Brook asked. Zoro grinned, giving the skeleton a thumbs-up. Sanji, whose irritation had heightened tremendously, nodded his head gruffly. "Yohohoho, let's see how well our nakama know each other, shall we? Please say the name of the person at the same time! At the count of three…"

"Two!" Franky joined in brightly.

"One!" The two of them answered together, "Please answer!"

"Marimo," Sanji said in a bored tone, when Zoro had answered at the same time, "Usopp."

"Huh?" Zoro frowned. Did he just hear someone say _marimo_? Franky and Brook pulled away the blinds, revealing the two persons…

"You really didn't know?" It was the first thing that burst out of Sanji's lips as the blue gaze met that coal black one, confusion evident in both of their eyes. Sanji had been _so_ sure that Zoro was playing around with him – yet Zoro had guessed him to be _Usopp_?

"Nosebleed-cook," Zoro acknowledged. Sanji grinned immediately.

"Heh, you don't know your nakama well enough, eh?" He began his teasing instantaneously, "Considering that you've been on this ship longer than I have, that's quite a feat. I guess all that muscle took up your brain space, huh?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Zoro shot back, but he felt embarrassed. How could he have mistaken this _asshole_ for _Usopp_? In the audience, Usopp was laughing loudly at the mistaken identity.

"Ah, it's quite easy for someone as great as myself to be mistaken – since everybody is busy trying to imitate me, and since it's so difficult to even approach this great Captain Usopp'n, I'm not too shocked that –"

"You thought that this," Sanji indicated his stubble, "Belonged to Usopp?"

"I… Well, it's the first time I've seen the two of you with a stubble, okay!" Zoro snapped, unhappy with his loss. "Huh, you suit that stupid microphone-voice of yours! Even your touch was so feminine and girly that I completely ruled you out of the list!"

"Hahahahahaha," Luffy patted Usopp, "Doesn't that mean that Zoro think you're feminine and girly? Hahahahaha…."

"What?" Usopp turned from proud and boastful to red-faced and angry in a second. "O-Oi Zoro, what's the meaning of this!"

"_I_ suit that _stupid_ voice? _I_… urgh, never mind! Your marimo-brain will only yearn to have a brilliant voice such as my own. You shitty marimo don't have to cover up your jealousy with such stupid statements!" Sanji yelled back.

And thus began their long overdue, and of course meaningless, arguments. Nami sighed, walking to Franky and Brook.

"You guys have failed so miserably I don't even know what to say." She told them, shaking her head in disapproval. "How'd you think that it'll work in the first place?"

"Well, at first," Brook piped up, "The plan was to basically simply have a nice and fun party so that all the tension between the two of them would've dissipated, but unfortunately…" He cast Franky a glance. "Franky felt that a game was in due for our parties."

"I'm sorry, Nami-sis! I _super_~ failed! But I couldn't resist, y'know! I wanted to hear them in those voices for so long! I always tried imagining how they'd sound like while arguing in those voices, I couldn't help myself!" Franky explained, and Nami laughed at his stupid, yet extremely valid, explanation.

"Why not we do a little something, just for you?" Robin suddenly said with a chuckle. Before they knew it, Robin's hands had sprouted in front of Sanji and Zoro, each hand holding onto the microphone as they argued.

"You – wait, what is this microphone doing here? Oi, Robin, get this thing away!" Zoro yelled, his voice turning out to be that supremely and utterly cute voice as he tried in vain to get Robin to remove her hand.

"Robin-chwan, please don't do this!" Sanji was saying, but the laughter that came upon hearing their ridiculous voices drowned their protests.

"I'm gonna kill you," Sanji growled at Zoro, who still found Sanji's girly voice highly amusing.

"Oh really..? You don't sound in the least bit threatening now, you love-cook!" Zoro answered, laughing loudly and jovially.

The angry cook, who could not do anything against Robin's treacherous hand and Franky's abomination of the voice-altering microphone, stormed off.

...

Well I'm pretty sure none of you would've ever thought it possible for Franky & Brook to ever succeed... HAHA. YES, I DID wonder before how it'd be like if Zoro and Sanji were quarrelling but... with their real voices replaced by... funnier... substitutions. :D thanks for all your reviews so far, and please do continue to review ^^


	8. Chapter 8

Heh, I didn't realize that ch. 7 was funny :X so thanks so much for your reviews (: anyway this chapter is focused mainly on ZORO. yes. there'll not be that much Sanji here... :X but stilll, hope you enjoy it :D

**Chapter 8**

"It's my turn now," Robin said with a slight chuckle, closing her eyes and forming the usual gesture when she used her Devil Fruit ability. "Chopper isn't there right now… but just in case, perhaps," A few hands blossomed near Usopp, forming the shape of Chopper's antlers. One of her hands nudged Usopp harshly, and she allowed Usopp a quick glimpse of her hands in the shape of Chopper's antlers before letting her hands vanish into petals.

"Chopper!" Usopp yelled angrily, as Chopper's 'antlers' had disrupted him in a very important, very important indeed, experiment on forming more of his usual pachinko balls.

"What, Usopp?" Chopper called out, making his way to the long-nosed sniper. Usopp frowned at Chopper, indicating the mess on the ground. Suddenly, a bright grin formed on Usopp's face.

"You're not getting away!" He called, abandoning his experiment and running after the poor reindeer. Chopper looked absolutely befuddled, but when he caught sight of Usopp sprinting towards him, he ran too, as his instincts would tell him to.

"No, Usopp, don't chase me now!" He protested, "I wanna make some –"

"If you've disrupted me, then I can disrupt you too! Muahahaha, watch me in action! Don't you know? I'm the best chaser in the whole wide world! Nobody has escaped my clutches before, unless I make an exception and allow them to! You have no escape!"

"Ah!"

Robin got up to her feet slowly, and made her way to Chopper's medicine room. After observing Chopper for a couple of days, she knew exactly where the overly-effective sleeping drug was. She took out a flask hidden in her pocket and quickly stole a tablet.

Now, she just had to wait for the plan to commence.

...

"What are you doing here _again_?" Sanji growled at the sight of the shitty marimo. Seriously, the marimo just _couldn't_ get a hint! He didn't want _anyone_ in the kitchen when he was working, dammit! Even though he was merely washing the dishes after lunch, he still considered it 'working', and therefore, nobody ought to disrupt him.

Obviously, somebody didn't give a shit about privacy.

Zoro placed his sake bottle on the table, and then let out a deep sigh, and turned to look at Sanji with an immensely disappointed look on his face. "Oh," He said sadly, "I miss your voice."

"You miss my…" Rage flared in those cool blue eyes belonging to that of the cook. "Oh, you're _so_ dead, you shitty marimo."

"I mean," Zoro shrugged, "That voice had suited you so much more, y'know? Totally suits your personality and such," He added with a wide grin.

"That's it." Dishes now forgotten, Sanji swung a kick at Zoro. Zoro beamed wider.

"I thought you _never_ fought in your kitchen?"

"I don't! I don't fight with pests, I _kill_ them." Sanji shot back, aiming another kick at Zoro. Zoro dodged reflexively with a sharp glint in his eyes.

"Let's see who'll get killed, shall we?"

Robin watched the whole scene with only mild interest. This was all in her plans, of course. The battle grew more intense, and Robin smiled. She had found her chance. Quickly sprouting a hand near the table, she threw the tablet into the sake bottle, where it fizzled and dissolved quickly in the liquid.

Unfortunately, Zoro would stay unconscious for the rest of the day.

"Damn it," Sanji suddenly said. He was fighting. In his kitchen. He was fighting in his _kitchen_! Was he really so annoyed by everything that he allowed _fighting_ in **his** _kitchen_? Realizing there was an opening, Zoro charged towards Sanji, managing to give a swift blow to his torso.

Sanji cursed under his breath again. And now he had allowed Zoro to land a hit on him. What was going _on_ with him? Today was not his day. Without thinking, he grabbed the sake bottle by the neck and downed it in one gulp.

"O-Oi!" Zoro protested, "That's mine!"

"Who gives a shit," Sanji answered after gulping it down. He stared at Zoro through heavy-lidded eyes, frowning. It tasted a bit… strange, the sake. It was a very subtle oddity, something that the stupid marimo would never have been able to detect… Ah, damn it. The marimo must have left the drink out for a long time, that's all…

Even though he saw the blow coming, Sanji suddenly realised that he was too drowsy to dodge it at all, instead accepting the punch on his face. He flew backwards on the ground, crashing against the counter. He stirred, trying to get up to his feet, but he found himself completely drained of energy.

His eyelids were forcing themselves to close, even though Sanji was not at all sleepy. The world blurred around him, and he felt as though he was in vertigo – his world spun, his vision became foggy… were there _two_ marimos? He shook his head, trying to clear his mind, but a fog enveloped his mind, blocking his senses…

"Love-cook, you okay?" Zoro asked, shaking the cook by his shoulders. Sanji couldn't even open his mouth to answer, much less formulate a coherent reply in his head.

Before he knew it, his eyes had forced shut, and his mind drifted off to a dreamless, deep sleep.

Robin chuckled to herself, slightly shocked by the turn of events. She hadn't expected Sanji to be the one to drink the sake.

Ah well, all was fine anyway. Zoro and Sanji were more similar than they realized, and she knew that whatever actions she had expected Sanji to take, Zoro would probably take, too.

The rest, she would leave to fate.

...

"O-Oi, cook!" Zoro shook the blond roughly by the shoulders, but the blond just didn't wake up. "Hey, is this revenge or something? You pulling some kind of prank here..?" He looked around the kitchen, "This isn't funny!"

Zoro was completely confused over the sudden turn of events. Sanji had never been so weak. Zoro didn't like to admit it, but Sanji was really strong. He knew that if he always wanted a good fight, he could count on the cook no matter what. How could a few blows from Zoro have caused Sanji to… become like… this? It didn't make sense!

Zoro stood up hastily, contemplating about calling the doctor… but then decided against it. He clenched his fist tightly. He was the one who had done this to the stupid love-cook. He'd be the one to get the stupid cook to wake up and explain things to him, then. It was settled.

Zoro let out a deep sigh, sitting back down on the ground beside Sanji. Sanji's eyes were shut, and his features were calm, peaceful… it was difficult to catch Sanji in such an expression when the man was awake. Zoro grinned. The cook was much more tolerable when he was unconscious.

"Argh, what am I supposed to do?" Zoro groaned, shaking his head. He didn't know what to do! He didn't even know what happened to the cook! What was he supposed to do in the first place? Get him a drink..? "Y-Yes, I'll get him… a cup of water." Zoro grabbed a random cup from the counter and poured a glass of warm water into it. He then returned to Sanji's side, and frowned again. "… Guess I'll have to be a nurse for a day, huh," Zoro thought aloud unhappily.

Resigned, the swordsman placed an arm around Sanji's shoulder, and slowly brought the cook to sit upright. Slowly, he placed the cup by the cook's mouth and…

_Splash_!

"Damn it!" The water had spilled all over the cook's shirt, and over Zoro's clothing as well. Zoro squeezed the water out of his shirt, annoyed, before grabbing a random cloth and dabbing at Sanji's ruined shirt with it. "Just a freaking glass of water," He cursed under his breath.

After cleaning up, he poured another glass of water once more. He helped the cook sit up, placing his arm around the cook's shoulders, and then used his hand to tilt the cook's face upwards. Carefully this time, he placed the rim of the cup by Sanji's lips, and then gingerly tilted the cup. This time, he was successful. The water moved slowly, but instead of dripping all over their clothing, the water had managed to find its way through Sanji's loosely closed lips. He let out an audible sigh as he managed to get the cook to finish up half the glass, before downing the rest of its contents himself and placing the glass back on the counter again.

Now… what..?

He sat beside the blond, frowning. What did Chopper usually do to his patients? Wait… Sanji wasn't his patient. Sanji was just a victim. And he didn't injure Sanji! No matter how much he looked, Sanji didn't seem to have sustained any injuries. He just simply… fell into unconsciousness.

Which didn't make any sense, but it happened, so Zoro just had to accept it as it is. Now, how was he supposed to wake the cook up?

He stood up abruptly and grabbed one of Sanji's shiny frying pans, picking up a ladle with his other hand. Ah well, Zoro sighed, if noise didn't wake Sanji up…

He placed the frying pan by Sanji's ear, wedged his eyes shut tightly, and struck the pan hard with the ladle. A resounding sound struck into his eardrums – he felt every single nerve in his body tingle – but yet the blond didn't move.

"Argh," Zoro rubbed his ears. Whoa, that sure was _loud_… but Sanji still _didn't_ wake up! He placed the frying pan back to its original position, and returned the ladle back to where it belonged, still frowning. He stared down at Sanji's face – that peaceful, calm, sleeping face of the cook's stared back up at him. The cook's lips were slightly pursed, but otherwise he looked exactly the same as he did a few minutes ago.

That freaking peaceful look on the blond's face irritated Zoro. Even asleep, the cook managed to taunt Zoro. The expression on the cook's face seemed to be saying, 'Look, you're all worked up while I'm peacefully sleeping over here. Tough luck, marimo." Zoro clenched his fists, but unclenched them again with a sigh.

No use getting annoyed over some unconscious guy. He'd get the guy conscious again first – because if there was anyone who knew how to push Zoro's buttons, it was Sanji, and it was Sanji when he was awake, not sleeping, damn it!

A thought suddenly struck him, and a grin found its way on his face. Yeah, that may pretty much work.

It worked back in Thriller Bark, so why wouldn't it now?

Zoro cleared his throat, and sat back beside Sanji, leaning over to the blond until his mouth was right beside the cook's ear.

"Hey, stupid cook, there's this really pretty girl waiting to talk to you!" He said into the cook's ear, laughing a little. "Quick, before she gets away! She's getting impatient – I thought you don't ever let girls wait? What happened to your manly chivalry you always boast of, huh?"

Sanji's eyebrow twitched slightly. Zoro wasn't sure, but he thought he saw the corners of Sanji's mouth pull downwards by barely an inch. His grin widened. It was working, wasn't it? Of course, as long as someone just mentions the word 'women', it would guarantee Sanji running over to the person's side in an instant.

"Oh, wait, she's bringing her friend along! There are two women waiting for you now, shitty cook! Wait, they are clamouring for that… dish you're always making for Nami and Robin, what's it called?" Zoro scrunched up his face, deep in thought, "Was it truffies? There was something called Sofa – wait, that doesn't sound right… Sofies..? How the hell do you remember all these complicated names anyway? " Zoro ran his hand through his cropped short green hair in frustration, "Never mind, ignore that. Anyway, they're still waiting for you!"

Zoro watched the blond for a while more, before finally deciding that the blond didn't seem to be responding. He'd have to think of something else…

"Oi, that man just farted in the presence of the two ladies! While they are eating dinner! Isn't that a crime in your book, or something like that? What are you doing? Those ladies are being disrupted by such lack of manners!" Zoro found himself laughing again. He really was acting like that stupid blond, wasn't he, getting all worked up over table manners and lack of chivalry. "You'd better wake up soon, because otherwise I'll be going there to kick that man's ass for you. Surely you don't need me to do your dirty job for you?" Zoro found himself shrugging, as though really conversing to Sanji, "Ah well, I guess I can do that. I mean, considering that you're too weak to take matters into your own hands, I guess I have to do everything for you."

This time, he was sure the corners of Sanji's lips had tilted downwards, successfully ruining that stupid peaceful expression the blond had on his face. Zoro grinned. This was much better. This Sanji looked more like the Sanji Zoro had always seen; the one who always had a scowl ready on his face for the swordsman. Zoro couldn't stand the sight of the relaxed expression on the blond's face. It didn't suit him, especially since Sanji had never shown any of such sorts of expression to Zoro before.

"Luffy's coming to steal the women's food!" Zoro exclaimed into the cook's ear. The long-nosed sniper's face suddenly came into his mind, and Zoro let out a laugh again. Now he was cooking up stories instead of Usopp, and Sanji was lying beside Zoro unconscious. What was the world turning out to be? Had he suddenly entered a word where everything was upside-down? Because if things were left as per normal, Zoro would definitely _not_ be making up stories, and the cook would rather die than to be found unconscious beside the swordsman.

"Brook's serenading the women with a song! He's asking to see their panties! That man burped in front of the ladies, _and_ is putting his feet on the table when food is being served! Luffy's… well, he's harassing the whole restaurant! All the ladies are getting their food stolen by him! The two ladies are still waiting for you to turn up, though I have no idea why they'd want to see a swirly-brow nose-bleed cook who's make them wait for so long." Zoro continued rambling. When he realized he wouldn't be getting anymore reaction out of the blond, he found his stories to be running off the tangent, digressing so much from his original story that he couldn't even remember what he started off with anymore.

"And look, now Usopp's using the kitchen… well, since you're still stupidly asleep right now, all your frying pans are now full of… what's that called? Those brownish-black stuffs that gets left over after cooking..? Argh, I don't know, anyway they're all over your utensils right now." Zoro frowned slightly, thinking of more scenarios that would get the cook worked up – and it wasn't hard, really, because of the cook's astoundingly short temper and little patience. "Uh oh, Luffy's rummaging your wardrobe right now… he's picking out all of your ugly suits… he's taken out that pinstriped shirt you're always wearing! And… he has placed it over his head…" Zoro found himself laughing when he imagined the sight of Luffy, "Now tying your tie around his wrist like a wristband… wearing your suit jacket now. I bet you're just dying to come up and kick his ass right now…"

"Nami's calling you!" Zoro continued, finding himself being increasingly more comfortable with making up random scenarios in his head. He had always found it amazing that Usopp could speak for hours sometimes, narrating incidents that he had never been through, but now he understood that it was quite fun. "If you can wake up now, she's gonna give you a kiss. Ah, but I guess you're gonna have to miss out on that. Guess I've beat you up so bad that you can't even move to find your 'mellorine'. B y the way, what the _hell_ is mellorine anyway..? Some kind of food, probably, since it's a nickname made up by you."

And soon, the conversation moved into another direction. It was as though Zoro was just pouring out all of his thoughts, all concerning the cook in one way or another, as he continued rambling nonsense into the cook's ear.

"It was so stupid, seeing you nose-bleed over every single woman you see – it was even worse than two years ago! You know, whenever you look at a woman now, I count the number of seconds leading up to your nose-bleed. It's always just one second. I wonder if you'd ever surpass your own timing one day. It'd be a miracle if you do, and Chopper's gonna have tons of work to do if that really happens… What the hell is your blood type anyway? S…. something… something… negative..? Heard from Chopper it's a really rare blood type. It's so ironic, even for you. You get beaten up and tossed around all day and come out unscathed, but a little bit of nosebleed is enough for you to kick the bucket. If I ever wanted to kill you, it'd be so easy, I'd just have to bring a woman in front of you and my job's done."

And then…

"You know, I always thought of all our dreams, yours was the most… unpredictable. Improbable perhaps, but not impossible… yours, of all of our dreams, is the most intangible. Luffy wants to be the Pirate King, and I sure as hell know that he's definitely gonna make it. Usopp has already reached his dream of being a brave knight of the sea. You've seen how much he's grown, how he has overcome his fear time and time again. Nami wants to chart a map of the whole world, and with Luffy, it's possible. Chopper's gonna be a doctor who can cure all sorts of diseases – and I know it'll make him go crazily embarrassed if I said this in front of him, but so far he _has_ been able to cure anything and everything that happens to anyone on the ship. Robin wants to find the True History, and we all know that's possible, right? Rayleigh's said it before – that he and the Pirate King had came to a conclusion over the missing Void in history. If they can do it, we can too; after all, we're all nakama of the future Pirate King. Franky wants to make a dream ship and sail with it, and he's doing that right now, on Sunny Go! Brook wants to fulfil his promise to Laboon, and that'll happen sooner or later. I want to be the top swordsman in the world, and I know that I can do it. I will accomplish that dream, in the end, sooner or later. But yours… your dream is simply to find All Blue. This dream doesn't exactly concern you, _yourself_, achieving anything… it's basically finding something that should be already there. It's all very unpredictable. All of our dreams… they involve us accomplishing something, reaching our goals based on our own abilities – excluding yours and Robin's, of course, but Robin's dream is already proven to be possible to find because of Rayleigh's words. But yours..?" Zoro shook his head slightly. "I believe that we'll find it. I believe that you'll find it. But… all of this really hinges a lot on fate. What if we have _already_ found All Blue? What if you don't realize that it's All Blue? Maybe we've long past it, or maybe we're even sailing on it right as we speak? How'd you know it to be All Blue?" Zoro let out a sigh.

"I hold faith in all of us, even you, but… All Blue…" Zoro took a deep breath. "We'll find it someday, okay? All of us will reach our dreams." Zoro shook his head again, "Ah, I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Oi, cook, I'm running out of things to say, and I sort of feel weird having a conversation with you, yet not having a conversation with you at the same time. I don't even know whether you can hear me, in your current state." Zoro took a gulp of water before continuing, "It's been so long since I've spoken so much to someone, yet actually I'm not really speaking to anyone at all, huh…" The swordsman let out a laugh. "Well, oi, stupid cook, it's been nice talking to you, but will you just wake the hell up already? It's been…" He looked up at the clock, his eyes widening slightly. "It's been two hours?" He read out in shock.

"Wow, I've been speaking to you for two hours already," He placed his arms behind his head, leaning backwards against the counter. "You make nice company…. When you're _unconscious_." He snorted, "It's gonna be dinner soon, and if you don't wake up, Luffy's gonna make a hell lot of noise."

Zoro stretched his arms, and then moved closer to stare at Sanji. "Oi, cook, I know you're listening. Don't think it's funny to leave me with Luffy's anger, because it's not and if you do, you're gonna be so dead. Oi!" He pulled Sanji's eyelids up with his fingers, but even though Sanji's eyes were 'open', Sanji still, obviously, wasn't awake. He prodded Sanji's cheek with another finger, and then grinned again, making all sorts of funny expressions with Sanji's face when the cook couldn't lift a finger against him.

Sighing again, Zoro folded his arms across his chest and glared at the blond. "I know I didn't do you much damage, and I don't know why you're unconscious and all… you're my nakama, of course I'm worried for you. I'm worried for all of my nakama, so just wake up and tell me what's going on already!" Zoro said, exasperated. "Damn it, does it make you laugh to see me so worried? To see me talking to myself, holding a conversation by myself..? You're really a jerk, you stupid cook."

"If you don't wake up now, I don't care, I'm gonna pour water all over your face and over your clothes, and you will be pissed, but I won't care. You hear me?" When Sanji didn't move, Zoro stood up and took a jar of water. He placed it over Sanji's head and, slowly, deliberately, he poured it all over…

"What the _hell_?" The blond suddenly awoke, to find himself utterly drenched in water. He looked up, to see the accursed marimo grinning triumphantly at him.

"Huh, so over all the stories I told, the only thing that'd make you wake up is _actually_ doing the thing that would annoy you?" He placed the jar back on the counter. "Stupid cook," He added, already anticipating the kick that came his way. He blocked it hastily with his hands, grinning. "What the hell happened anyway?"

"What?" Sanji growled, launching another kick at the marimo.

"You were unconscious for _two_ hours!" Zoro responded.

"Yeah, hell I know that. I just don't know what happened! I was kicking your ass, and then things suddenly got all blurry, and I don't know, it felt like I was forced to be unconscious, or something!" Sanji retorted, and Zoro laughed.

"What? _Forced_ to be unconscious?" He chuckled. "You'd better start making dinner, cook, because otherwise Luffy's gonna get real noisy."

"Yeah, yeah," Sanji said, waving him off. "Go away then."

"I know," The marimo answered, already halfway out the door. "Good to have you back," He added, almost inaudibly, before closing the door behind him.

Sanji sighed, wiping the water off his face with a cloth. He hadn't really known what was going on, but he sort of heard the marimo's voice when he was in his dream-like state…

He knew the marimo had been speaking to him for a long time, but he just couldn't make out any of the words. He'd been stuck, in a seemingly comatose state, only comforted by that familiar deep baritone of the swordsman's voice as he struggled to lift himself out of his deep sleep.

A smile crept up his face.

He never knew the marimo cared so much.

...

"Zoro's been in there for almost two hours!" Nami squealed happily to Robin. "I don't know what you're doing, but usually they can't stand to be in each other's presence for that long!"

"One of them isn't exactly present, per say," Robin answered mysteriously, and Nami frowned at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," Robin answered with a chuckle.

She had been watching the whole thing.

The swordsman could really be so endearing, sometimes.

...

YES, according to the wiki. Sanji's blood type is S(RH-) or something like that... incredibly rare! :D hahahaha... just a trivia (:


	9. Chapter 9

I don't know if you know this, but now you know: This is the final chapter for COTU! :DDD Well, all the nakama have already tried their luck at getting the two annoyingly stubborn idiots to get along, so all that's left is the finale!

I'm sorry, this chapter is really quite short, but it IS the ending and I couldn't really make it longer.. :X Thank you all those who have reviewed, favorited, followed or have just simply read this story! It really means a lot to me :D Hugs and kisses to you all!

Oh, on a random note, remember the story that I wanted to write? Well... heh, in the end I DID write it because the plot started expanding so much in my head that I just NEEDED to write it. I think maybe I'll post the chapter one of that story soon, like maybe on one of these few days, because otherwise I really have no time. :X All I need now is a title for the story... heh. YES, so obviously I'm mentioning this so that you'd give the new story a try! :D and okay, I'm gonna stop rambling. Here's chapter 9.

**Chapter 9**

"That was the last of it!" Nami threw her hands up in surrender, "I thought for sure Robin's plan would work, but they're still arguing over the smallest matter!" She let out an aggrieved sigh, watching as Zoro and Sanji were once again quarrelling about something.

"So who's the winner? Who's the winner?" Luffy asked enthusiastically. "It's me, isn't it? Yosh, Sanji shall cook a meat buffet for me!"

"Shut up, Luffy," Nami snapped, "I don't know who won – I mean, there was that one time we found Zoro and Sanji sleeping that morning, remember? But nobody wished to claim their reward, and that's the only possible improvement we've seen so far."

"Those two are tough nuts to crack," Franky commented, nodding his head. "But I seriously thought that Robin would've made it," He said, as the archaeologist gave a small smile.

"Zoro was very endearing," She answered simply, and left it at that.

"We can't tell who the winner is now!" Usopp complained, "And we've spent so much time thinking about how to get them to get along!"

"Yeah!" Chopper chirped in agreement.

"I even offered to halve Zoro's debts," Nami agreed, exasperated. "Even that didn't work, so what could work in the end?"

"Was it all a futile mission after all?" Brook piped up. "Perhaps it's best that we leave things at status quo."

"I want my meat buffet ~~" Luffy moaned, "SANJI!"

"SHUSH!" Usopp clasped a hand over Luffy's mouth. "So, now what..?" He asked Nami.

"I don't know… I think Brook's right," Nami answered dejectedly. "Maybe it was all futile after all. We should've known. The two of them are really hard to 'defeat', huh."

"We've tried our best," Usopp nodded his head firmly, with Chopper following suit. "It's okay! There's nothing wrong with this one loss! I don't want to handle the two of them together again!"

"Alright then, we'll be calling it quits," Nami finally decided. "We've lost this mission."

...

Sanji stubbed the rest of his cigarette onto an ash tray, and then turned to look at the rest of the crewmembers crowding around Nami's mikan trees. He let out a deep sigh. He should've long realized it.

All they wanted was for him and that stupid marimo to get along.

"Oi, marimo," Sanji called out, walking around the deck. The stupid swordsman was probably still sleeping somewhere. He'd better watch his footing, because he always ended up tripping over –

"Watch it," Zoro said sharply as Sanji nearly fell over Zoro's sleeping form. "What do you want, love-cook?" He demanded.

"Ah, just wanted to talk about something," Sanji replied, running his hand through his hair. He sat down beside Zoro, and lighted a cigarette. Zoro raised an eyebrow at the blond. Sanji never wanted to talk about anything to him.

"So?" Zoro prompted when Sanji had finally lighted up his cigarette. "What is it?"

"It's about our nakama," Sanji took a puff on his cigarette, "It's obvious, isn't it?"

The swordsman immediately understood Sanji's point. He let out a sigh. "Yeah," He answered dully. "I wonder what they're actually trying to achieve. Why are they bothering so much? We like things to be this way between us."

Sanji let out a laugh, "What, strained and tense yet somehow sort of friendly at the same time? That's the most screwed up relationship I've ever heard of."

"Isn't that what your relationship with most of the people at Baratie was like?" Zoro replied, turning to face the blond. "You're the most screwed up person I've ever known."

"… Yeah, I guess," Sanji inhaled deeply, "I suppose so."

"So what do you want to do about it?" Zoro asked. When Sanji gave him a questioning glance, he elaborated, "I mean, about what our nakama is trying to do. Should we tell them to quit it?"

"Maybe we should just get along." Sanji suddenly suggested.

"What?" This time, Zoro was the one who laughed. "I think we've accomplished it fairly well. Look, we're talking to each other without riling the other up."

"And there's no fighting," Sanji shrugged. "Look, we can do it. Why not we just show them that we actually _can_ get along, and there's no need to forcibly make us get along? Friends bicker all the time, anyway."

"I thought they knew it by now." Zoro agreed, "Our relationship has always been like this, since two years ago. I thought they'd have realized it."

"Maybe they do," Sanji shrugged, "But they just want us to get along like how real nakama do. Without all this fighting shit," He glanced towards the rest of the crewmembers, who were still talking about something.

"It's only fun when we fight, y'know," Zoro replied. "Talking's boring."

"And I seem to vaguely recall a marimo talking to an unconscious person for two hours straight," Sanji teased lightly with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Zoro's eye widened, before the corners of his mouth curved upwards to form a smile.

"So you heard? And you didn't bother waking up, you stupid nosebleed-cook?"

"I didn't hear a word you said," Sanji answered smoothly, "But I do remember this annoying voice talking constantly, non-stop." Sanji grinned, "Never knew you were such a chatterbox, marimo."

"… Shut up," Zoro turned away from Sanji, looking directly in front of him. "So what are we gonna do?"

"What? There's no need to think about it." Sanji stood up, and then offered a hand to Zoro. "We're going up there to show them that we can get along if we'd like. Just for them to stop their antics. You know they don't work for shit."

Zoro looked at the proffered hand and considered rejecting Sanji's help, but then thought about what they were supposed to do. Sighing, Zoro took Sanji's hand and stood up. "Alright, let's go."

...

"So we're really giving up?" Luffy whined, "But what about my meat! My meat buffet…" Luffy looked so downcast that Usopp wanted to give the captain a hug, but he stayed firm.

Nami wanted him to break the news to Luffy! Of course, this almighty Usopp'n-sama would not lose to Luffy's puppy eyes…

Or dejected expression…

Or pouting lips…

Usopp felt so guilty. It felt as though Usopp had just kicked a puppy. No, he wouldn't give in! Usopp forced himself to turn away from Luffy, and then cleared his throat. "Yes, this was a failure! Nobody won, so nobody gets the price!"

"B-But… Usopp…"

"Shhhh," Franky hissed suddenly. "The two of them are coming here! Pretend to look normal!"

The crewmembers were in a fluster, trying to look as though they had something proper to do... but since they were crowded around Nami's mikan trees, there really was nothing proper to do. Nami sat on her seat, peeling a mikan for herself, glaring at anybody who deigned to try to take one of her beloved mikans. Robin was sitting across from Nami, her legs crossed as she read her books, as per usual.

The others weren't so lucky at trying to get something to do.

Franky pretended to stretch, which caused him to nearly punch Usopp in the face due to his long reach and huge limbs. Chopper was scurrying like an ant on the ground, unsure of what to do, and kept circling the mikan trees. Usopp was pretending to look at something with his binoculars, but had to keep dodging Franky's hands and legs as Franky continued his workout. Luffy was still pouting in a corner. Brook had taken out his violin, and was now rubbing his bow strings with rosin. All in all, it was a comical sight.

"Look," Sanji sighed, "They really don't know how to pretend."

"They look ridiculous." Zoro agreed. "Huh, we should start our act now, right?"

"Yeah," Sanji took a deep breath, and then placed his arm around Zoro's shoulder. Brightly, he said, "Hey, I'm gonna be cooking lunch soon! I'm taking requests!"

"Uh…I'm gonna be helping him take the requests," Zoro piped up, his demeanour extremely awkward as he whipped out a pen and Sanji's personal notebook.

All the rest of the crewmembers were watching the pair with their mouth agape. An awkward silence hung in the air for a moment, and then…

"IT WORKED! IT WORKED!"

"SUPER~ AWESOME!"

"WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, IT WORKED! MEAT BUFFET! MEAT BUFFET!"

"O-O-OF COURSE, CAPTAIN USOPP-SAMA –"

"YOHOHOHOHO, WHAT A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE… AND NOW…"

"WHO'S THE WINNER? WHO DID IT?"

"MEAT BUFFET ~ MEAT BUFFET~ MEAT BUFFET~"

"Shut up LUFFY!"

"B-BUT –!"

"Okay, now let's think clearly…"

"AND THEN, TO MY SURPRISE, THE TWO OF THEM – OUCH! NAMI, WHAT'S THAT FOR?"

"SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION, USOPP!"

As the rest of the crewmembers continued arguing over who had won the competition, realization dawned upon the cook and the swordsman. They exchanged glances.

"So it was just a competition after all, huh," Sanji interjected calmly amongst all the screaming and yelling, stubbing the remains of his cigarette. "You shitty idiots."

Understanding passed between the cook and the swordsman as they looked at one another, and then grinned.

"You are so dead, you shitty idiots!"

The two of them launched themselves onto the bickering crowd, beating up everybody they could see, of course, excluding Nami and Robin, who had snuck away quickly when they realized what was about to happen.

Chaos ensued as punches were being thrown, kicks were being launched, and poor nakama were getting beaten up. Finally, all that was left was Luffy, Usopp, Franky, Brook and Chopper lying on the ground, heavily bruised, as Sanji and Zoro stared down at them.

"What are you supposed to say now?" Sanji asked.

"We'b arb sorry." They answered simultaneously through swollen lips.

"Good. And..?" Zoro prompted.

"We won't do ib again." They continued.

And life on the Thousand Sunny continued as per usual after that fateful event, whereby the crewmembers stayed away when Zoro and Sanji quarrelled, and they all went about doing their own things.

They learnt the hard way to not mess with the cook and the swordsman now. And it'd do well for them to remember it.

Of course…

"MEAT BUFFET!"

"Okay, okay, I'll make a meat buffet," Sanji finally gave in after Luffy's fervent requests and pleading and begging and puppy eyes.

So Luffy was officially crowned the winner, for no reason other than his annoying whines and constant pleads.

And thus that marked the end of the mission to try to get their resident cook and swordsman to get along.

-  
THE END

marks the end of the story :D


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